I am a good person, I have good patterns and habits

you: Hey Meredith, how was your date the other night?
me: Funny thing that since I can't talk about it since some people read other people's diaries. Even the bad parts where soul patches are heavily mocked... It's funny how he knows bits of my jargon because of this.
I did run into JessicaUpton during it though. Who is now only referred to as "Jesse", apparently. I really like her, I think she's funny. Third made the mistake of asking her opinion of his soul patch and she leaned in and said "That. That is heinous." Wow. I really found that amazing. Also, rude, of course. But things that are rude can be excused by how hilarious they are.

I'm cleaning today. I took the day off yesterday (well, I did the dishes, so not quite), but now I need to get back at 'er. And it's still dirty here. And messy. And things aren't exactly how I'd like them to be. But it's looking better. I'm especially pleased with my tiny Christmas display (gifts by the teeny tiny tree) and my packed book-shelves.

Whatever I'm most involved with thinking about is what I feel like I desperately need to be doing. For instance, I was just watching stand-up on TV and now I am convinced that it's my calling in life. No but really. Why am I the funniest person ever and yet I have no idea how to use it?
I think I'd be best at story-telling stand-up. Or maybe one-liners like Mitch Hedberg. Who is still my favourite.
I need to develop a stand-up character, those comics are always my favourites, the ones with ridiculously distinct styles.
Hmmmmmmm.

Frequently when I get drunk (every day) I tell people about how I want to do a little boy voice-over for a series some day. It's a weird thing to bring up constantly.

Worked last night and made good money and it was busy but smooth and I was in a good mood. And I was making fun of people a lot. Which is probably my favourite thing (and why I want to have a talk show). I really like some of my co-workers.

I tried to take the streetcar there because it was cold and windy and raining but the streetcar didn't come and didn't come and so I finally went back home and got my bike (because biking is at least twice as fast) and when I got all suited up and on my bike I discovered that the chain was off. So I tipped the bike upside down in the rain and wrangled the damn thing back onto its track. Then biked in the cold and saw a biker get hit by a car (and really regretted my lack of helmet. I mean. Dammit. I always wear my helmet Mum), but she was okay and everyone was stopping to help her so I didn't. And by the time I got to work I was soaked right through. But still in a fine temper.

Went for beer with Sophia and Marika afterwards. We tried lots of different kinds at Magpie. I thought I didn't like Magpie, but in fact, I do. Alex and Paul and co were there and we joined them for smoke breaks but sat at opposite ends of the place. I like little interactions like that. We drank quite quickly and I became drunk (oh who's ever surprised at that anymore). I fell off my bike while trying to get onto it. Classy. And ridiculous. Luckily I lived quite close.

Wow Monster is so my favourite R.E.M. album. I like it even better than Automatic for the People. Or Up. As a whole. It has a tone to it that's familiar and addicting. I love Bang and Blame especially. And Strange Currencies. I know that Strange Currencies is similar to Everybody Hurts, but I find it less obvious, more comforting somehow.
Star 69 is pretty out-dated now. And still awesome. And Crush with Eyeliner is excellent. Especially since I assume that the crush would be a dude-babe.

SPEAKING OF WHICH. I'm tired of people assuming that babes are women. Anyone can be a babe. Even dudes. It's actual odd how little I use the words 'guy' 'boy' 'man', etc because of the overuse of the term 'babe'. Thank you Charlotte for bringing that into my life.

I do not have things ready for Christmas. Ugh. Not even close. I got all into it for a bit there but I seem to have fallen off the wagon. I got a remarkably big paycheque today that I'm sure I didn't earn, but whatevers, still going to buy too many gifts gifts gifts gifts.
Sigh.

I LOVE PARIS HILTON AND NICOLE RICHIE.
There I said it.
It's out there.

It's Niki's birthday today. We had breakfast at Aunties. For once in my life I did not have the omelette. I didn't even have waffles. I strayed far. Far, right over to the Pan Bagnat. With Swiss. It was pretty nice. Too oily though, but I knew that'd be the case. It was really quite a nice breakfast, we made several hilarious jokes and came up with even more awkward things to say during sex. What fertile ground for jokes.
I like saying fertile to rhyme with turtle.

Planning on making cookies. Maybe visiting with Miranda. Maybe combining the two. The girl who's doing wardrobe for Tearwater Tea is going to come over today to go through my wardrobe for filming. I've never met her before. Interesting to have strangers go through my stuff. I don't mind. I'm not if not honest.

Stopping with negative statements is such a tricky business. It's hard. Even that is a negative statement. There's a lot of negatives in the way I interact. It comes with being cynical and sarcastic (which are traits I've groomed in myself and which have been instilled by my dear fam).
Tricky tricky tricky

I am pack-rat, I probably deserve mice

I hate cleaning. I hate hate hate hate hate hate cleaning. I keep just lying down instead of cleaning.
I'm at the stage (and have been for a full day) where everything is out and I am cleaning things that I have never, ever cleaned before. I guess after 3.5 years, it's about time.
I'm completely taking everything apart and re-organizing and beautifying. I think my shelves are going to become my new headboard. And we alllll know what a good builder I am. I'm thinking about tying them together with wire. I can't think of a better idea, so...

Rehearsal with Adam last night. First time meeting the woman who will play my aunt. She seems nice enough, and she's much better than any of the women I saw at auditions. It's hard to find a non-union actor 40+ who will work for free and is any good.
Adam's grandma had sent him a care-package and I ate way too many dainties. Did you know that 'dainties' is a prairie word? And British, I think.
I like Adam. I stayed around watching The Rick Mercer Report afterwards. They visited the U of S and I felt homesick. Sighhhhh.

Lately I've been reading a novel at night after I'm done watching all my shows (and when I'm sober enough to make out the words). I was feeling pretty great about it, but I realized they're mostly all teen fiction. I started reading an actual adult novel last night and I totally didn't finish it. Maybe tonight.
I always feel a lot better when I'm reading a lot.

Dammit. I went through the internet trying to make this diary not come up immediately on searching for me. But it's still there. Even though those words aren't in those entries anymore, they're still there.
Hmmmmm.
So we'll be hearing much less about everything. Mmmhmmm.

And since even I forgot I had a locked blog, I can't see myself going back to it anytime soon. Although I'm a big fan of the locked bits.

Brunch with Sophia! Then back to cleaning. It's my goal to have in decent shape by the time I go out tonight. Possible? I don't even know, it's such a disaster.
Possible!

I am a clean and tidy person. No but really though.

The best way to get the house clean is by having one big mess that I just don't want to think about/deal with. Then I just clean everything else while I'm avoiding it, telling myself I'll get to it real, real soon.

I bought this Life brand bio-friendly cleaner. I hate the smell of it. But it does work real nice. My tub is shinier than since I moved in probably. Because I'm just that gross. No, it's nice though. Today I CLR'ed the kitchen sink, which is badly rusted (because I never do the dishes). It didn't work as well as the commercials implied it would. Disappointing.
I even did laundry yesterday! But then I left it in the bags and now everything is dreadfully wrinkled. I could probably use an iron for Christmas, if anyone felt like getting me something real boring.

I left the house a bunch yesterday and spent thirty dollars at Shoppers. That store steals all my money. Except I only bought necessities. I got soaked in the rain running back and forth from the laundrymat. But I don't mind getting completely drenched when I don't have anywhere to be. It's sort of refreshing and nice. And very cold.

I had left-over brownie cupcakes from Tam's birthday which I never iced. But you know what's better with brownies than icing? Butter!
And that's why I'm fat.

Nothing's new. I'm only updating to avoid cleaning. I'm hoping real hard that I'll get this place properly cleaned/organized so that I can only upkeep its cleanliness. Right now it's such a messy disaster, with little messes hidden everywhere, that it's possible to make it look nice, but impossible to have it actually be tidy.
I'm going to get another job to afford proper furniture. I found a great (ugly) metal desk on the street the other night. It's going to be my sewing/craft area. I need to rearrange EVERYTHING just in order for it to fit in the damn place.

I've decided to stop with my negative statements about myself. I'm hoping to stop saying things about how messy I am or about how terrible I am at relationships or about how I'm never prepared enough for auditions/gigs. Because I need to stop believing those things. Obviously.

I ate all the cheese.
And everything that I want to eat involves cheese.

braggart and drunkard

It's raining.
This means I don't want to leave the house.
But. I'm ridiculously close to being out of toilet paper (this happens EVERY time. It really is a wonder how I just don't learn).

I had a dream last night that my iPod came and it was a magical iPod that was more wondrous than I'd ever dreamed.
I also had a dream I fell off a horse and had internal bleeding and all my friends were hurt too and we hung out in a hospital/film set complex. I've always had a weird desire to have a hospital stay. I have no idea why. Because I crave attention, I suppose. I would want everyone to come and visit me and bring me things.
I don't actually want to be ill though. Just in case you were wondering.

Hmmm. I've been debating writing the latest story about Third because he could, in theory, find this blog and read it and then make judgements, etc.

Whoa I just got caught up in reading back-entries on diaryland and it made me feel a little bit ill. Past me is so irritating sometimes. And judgemental. And rude.

Anyway, I worked on Friday and I hadn't seen Third in weeks and was getting tired of having a crush that wasn't ever around. And I sleuthed that he was at work, but nowhere near me. Because I'm impatient like that. So I wrote him a note and folded it into a boat and gave it to another supervisor to give to him. Which she did and he called on Saturday and we made plans for Wednesday! Sooo... yes. I can't just let things be. He thought the boat was a hat. I told him he really just didn't get me.

Friday night I met up with Steph and Solange at Octopus to dance. We bothered Sarah and drank too much. Obviously.

Saturday I baked brownies for Tamara's birthday and went to a potluck at her house. It was some good food and nice to see Alex and Paul and peeps again. My stomach hurt afterwards. But I pushed through it.
Met up with Steph and SC to see Sweet Thing. Drank and drank. Tried to dance but my stomach hurt. It was a good set. SC left right afterwards. He's so bizarre. He takes my rude comments pretty well though. Steph and I stayed and visited with one of my skydome co-workers, Lee, and his friends, who were Humber comedy kids at the same time that I was an Film + TV kid. I need to get into the comedy scene here. Like you don't even know.
Jack told me (seriously) I was not funny, or not "haha" funny the other night. I was beyond hurt. Isn't that hysterical? Then he proceeded to laugh at everything I said, only proving himself wrong.

Steph and I were on our way out but then ended up staying in the 'reserved' section of the club with the band until, well, last call. My stomach stopped hurting because I just drank right through the pain. I visited with Nick and taught him about text messaging. I think he was more drunk than I'd seen him in awhile. I also bothered Morganwaters so much. I need to get on his new TV and I think he should know that I'm serious about it. Which I am. Seriously serious. He was excited to have seen me on MTV and I was excited that he was excited.

After last call Steph and I went to Octopus, which decided to serve for an extra hour on account of daylight savings. I don't remember much about being at Octopus except that I was too drunk to drunk-text inappropriate people and I kept dropping my phone. Apparently I was hump-dancing for an awkwardly long time at the end of the bar. HILARIOUS. I decided to leave after I'd dropped my phone for the fourth time. Apparently Drew Barrymore got there right after I left and she was loaded too, so whatever, all celebrities (like me and Drew) have to be drunkards.

Sunday I was hung over. I made it to brunch at Steph's but I was more than an hour late. Hung out there with Sarah and Julia and they fed me. Then Steph and I watched MTV for an hour hoping to see me. But instead we just saw too much Morganwaters. He out-famoused me again. Quelle big surprise.

Last night I went for dinner with Niki at Musa. The food was really really good. When it finally got there. But it took forever. Forever.

I stayed up until 4 reading an S. E. Hinton novel. I'm planning on doing a lot more reading today. There was a box of teen fiction out in front of my neighbour's house the other day, so I stocked up.

I need to stop talking about how famous I am. It's silly.

I hope I have auditions this week. I'm going into proper rehearsals for Tearwater Tea (Adam's film I'm in) this week and we're shooting next week. Mmmhmmm.

This is the life... especially with Christmas so so so ridiculously close.

I would lick your feet, but is that the sickest thing?

Guess who was on Access Hollywood? THIS GUY.
I think I've been going on about this way too often lately but I'm very excited about it. Very. Still.
And you know what this means: I still know how to get excited. It's still something I have in my repertoire. I'm glad.
Anyway, it was a feature on the Final 24 episode I'm in, a bunch of people saw it and told me about it. Then my mum found it on the internet. My mum is really quite obsessed with me. Quelle surprise.
Right now the link is here. But it keeps on changing. But if you go there and it's not the right video just search Final 24 Jim Morrison.

I can only assume that Jonathan Taylor Thomas saw it and is now in love with me, as I am with him.

Of course.

My voice-over audition was fun yesterday. But I didn't do enough warm-ups at home because I was so concerned with getting everything ready to go to set. So I was tripping over my words a bit. But I still love voice work and still want to do a voice for a series very soon.

Shooting the PSA was neat. On my way there I saw all these big trucks and things and I thought "aww they're shooting a movie" but then it turned out to be my set!
It was a good shoot. Running more than on time and everyone was extremely friendly and helpful. Being the star of stuff is way, way more fun than being background. Everyone dotes on me and that's my favourite. And I love having my hair and make-up done. It all feels like a treat and not like work.
It'll be strange when I start getting harder jobs and it feels more like proper working. I'm still looking forward to it.
Apparently CTV bought all of Chum's stations except CityTV which was bought by Rogers. How complex is that?
But, so, this PSA is made by CTV so there's a lot of stations it might be on. We'll see!

After shooting I went and got a new cellphone. I hate cellphones. And the salesman was no good. At all. I finally picked a super cheap one. WHATEVER. It still cost me too much and it's still stupid, but I'm banking on the fact I'm going to be rich very soon and therefore be able to get a new, better one.

Had dinner with Sophia, who I never see anymore. She working allll the time and has a boyfriend. I miss the springtime when I was one of her only friends and she'd bother me to hang out. Sigh.

Went to Nick's show with Miranda. It was so good. I think I'm always a little bit surprised at how good it is. I definitely like Nick's solo stuff even more than I like Sweet Thing these days. And I said hi to the boys but we didn't stay for the other acts. Miranda had a school pub night to go to (it seems like she does more partying for law school than work) and I went by our dance party night.
SarahJane has decided to take off to Mexico for a couple of weeks and we've decided to only have the nights once a month. Which is good. It was ridiculously dead last night. I would've stayed and properly broke it down but my stomach decided to go nuts. Sometimes my stomach is my worst enemy. Though lately it's really been alright. Which is good considering how many terrible things I put into it.

E-Bow the Letter is my favourite song these days. It's hitting something inside in just the right way.

Miranda and I went for brunch at aunties this afternoon and it lasted a good two hours. Maybe more. David gave us mugs of hot pear juice (they poach the pears to go with the waffles and banana pancakes) while we were waiting and after we were done our brunches Russ gave us some waffles he'd made too many of. So good.
Solo's BF Geoff was there and he's buds with David and so we just talked to them for forever. I'm a big fan of Geoff, he's funny and nice in the right ways. I love couples where I like both partners equally. It's sort of rare, but it gives me hope.
Which I need sometimes.

I got called in to work tonight again. More money!

Tomorrow is Tamara's birthday potluck and I've agreed to make the cake! I haven't made a cake here! I want to make brownies a little bit instead. We'll see. She said I could make whatever. But seriously, brownies with coffee icing? Gah!

It still doesn't feel like Hallowe'en though

I totally acquired a giant bottle of vodka. And I totally drank alone last night. MUCH to my mother's disapproval.
BUT
I'm feeling better today. So maybe drinking does help. And I always wake up earlier when I go to bed drunk. I don't know why.

AAAAANNNNNDDDD I bought myself an iPod while I was drunk! Yay! A 30 gig video one. I want it to come soon! Oh god I'm so excited.
I was very jealous on account of I bought my mum an iPod for her birthday/Christmas present and it got to her yesterday and so she wasn't paying attention to me on the phone, she was only paying attention to her electronics. Bitch.

I want my iPod! And I want it to work!

(An aside: I don't capitalize the word 'Christmas' because of its God connotations, I capitalize it because Very Important to me)

And I got the most annoying text message of my life at about 2:15 yesterday morning and I threw a fit and then... REPLIED. I do not know what's wrong with me. There's something wrong. I'm an idiot. I can't believe myself sometimes.
I had said to him "please don't bother me at 2 in the morning anymore" and he said "I wasn't going to!" and he put the crazy on me: like I make up the fact that exactly every single time when I am one hundred percent over him and it's all done then he does this!
And THEN we texted for a bit and then he sort of blew me off. Holy F.
I don't even like him. As a person, I mean.
I had no interest in speaking with him at all anymore. And I thought I really wouldn't. But I am can't help but try to win. And I lost so hard. I lost as soon as I opened the phone.
He's impossible to explain his off behaviour to.
And, he'd assumed that I'd sent him a happy birthday message. Which I most certainly had not. So he is always assuming he is winning and therefore he is.

Sometimes being me is such a regrettable thing.

Tomorrow I shoot the PSA. Which is neat!
Aaand I have a voice over audition in the morning. I love voice over. I want to be a voice actor all the time.
When I have a bit of money I'm going to invest in a really great demo reel. Then I'm going to make billions of dollars for very little work.
I'd my goal to do a little boy voice at some point. Even if I have to write my own damn show to get it done.

I was just so sad yesterday. I almost started crying in the Bell store. I do hate Bell and they were busy screwing me in all holes (not in a hot way). But still.

I ran into SarahJane and she and I hung out and got coffee and talked about being sad and I felt a bit better.

I got called to go in to work tonight. Which means money!
I'm a little bit dressed up like a 60s actress, and I plan on giving myself a bit of a beehive maybe. I bought fake eyelashes and I want to wear them. And I think I'll wear it all to work. It'll look great with my sporty uniform. Mmhmm.

If I don't see Third soon, the crush is off. He hasn't been at work when I have been at all lately. Annoying.
One of the supervisors was in another episode of Final 24, she was in the Keith Moon episode and also played the GF and also got to find him dead.
I suggested we could re-enact our re-enactments in interpretive dance form. She seemed pretty interested I guess.
Everyone at work is an actor. Everyone everywhere is an actor.

Right now, as we speak, Naomi is submitting the information for me to have my very own IMDB page. Oh so hot. I'm totally going to add like one hundred pictures of myself onto it so that everyone can see what a total sexpot I am.
(I accidentally first spelt 'sexpot' as 'sextop'. Also accurate.)

I need more crushes. I need to feel hopeful about stuff. I need something to get excited about.

My hair is so hot. I wish I worked on a TV show and got my hair done every day and maybe got a tonne of extensions and it was all body and curly. Yeah.....

Not feeling sad is so much more fun than feeling sad. I'm wondering if I can keep this up.

I think Hallowe'en just passed me by somehow

I ripped my favourite pair of pants. So badly. I can't wear them anymore and I don't think they're patchable. My only pair of khakis. I'm going to need to get another pair because commercial auditions often call for khakis, weirdly enough.
My black flats are also wrecked. There's a metal piece coming out of the bottom which keeps catching on things and making me almost fall. Fun!
I want ankle boots! And black work shoes that are comfortable, warm, and sexy? Is that even possible?

I was running so late for my audition this morning that I had to take a cab which cost way too much money and I still only got there right on time, which is late really.
The TTC is frustrating. Sometimes I just need transit to run on time. I also need to learn how to be early for things.
My bike is still out of commission and I neeeeed it. But I'm unsure how to go about fixing it. I'm a baby. It's ridiculous that a bike ride is faster than a cab ride in this city. And probably double-time to the TTC.
Luckily it's cold out.

If I had an iPod I'd liking walking even better. I broke out my walkman the other day and it made a difference. Until it started eating the tape. Amazing.

My audition this morning was kind of hard because I was supposed to act all crazy. Big is hard. Funny is hard. It was still fun.
Today has just felt like one of those days.

EXCEPT that my agent called to say that I booked a public service announcement commercial. I think it's about equality and it'll be on MTV/Much. Ha, I'll become over-exposed to just that one audience.
Yay. It's still non-union, and doesn't pay great. But I'm realizing how few shifts I'm getting at ACC these days. And I need money money.

I had auditions Thursday, Friday and today. I wish I had them every day, except the days where I was shooting. That'd be so sweet though.

Thursday's dance party was good. I worked the door so I didn't dance much. Some of my friends came and I didn't really realize they'd come because of me. I was pretty tired and out of it. Funny. We just recycled the previous theme because we were too busy to make a new one.
Nathan came by and then I went with him afterwards and we got pizza and then found Shayne and got dial-a-bottle (seriously Ontario, no off-sale? really?) and hung out at Shayne's until six in the morning. Because I party all the time and that's how I roll.
I adore Nathan. He's one of my favourites for sure. We had girltalk for maybe the first time ever. I was prying into his private life and stuff. But it was nice. It seems like he's even kinder these days, more careful, more care-taking, sweet. We had a good talk about his music and made some good jokes.

I took Friday off from partying. I just slept all day really. And tried to do some work at night. But I mostly just watched TV on the internet.

Saturday I worked at Skydome and then at ACC. Double shifts are hard on me since I'm so remarkably used to never working at all. But ACC called me in and I wanted to see Third and I mostly REALLY neeeeed money (I may have mentioned). But Third wasn't even there and it wasn't very busy at all.
I have told way, way too many people that I have a crush on Third. I don't mean to. But it's boredom. And I love having crushes. But I do need to keep my damn slut mouth shut.
Mum doesn't like the word slut. JFYI.
I told people I'd tell them if they could guess. But then everyone guessed right. Dammit.

After work on Saturday I went out to Octopus with Stephanie, her BF, and Solange where SarahJane was working for Steph's birthday. It seems as though Steph and Solo are going to be players in stories, so I will give you back story. I met them on the Grand Analog video shoot. They are good friends are SarahJane's and BFFs of each other. I like both of them a lot a lot. Solo has the type of confidence I wish I had, the wild self-assurity and beauty. And Steph is classic and put-together and obviously beautiful.
After Octopus we went to Solo's house and ate left-overs from their dinner (including the best sweet potato pie I've ever ever eaten) and then I went home before I fell asleep in the arm-chair.

Yesterday I did a bit of work and cleaned up a bit. I had sushi with Devon and Naomi. I do like them both but it does get tiring talking about "the biz" and about all the stuff we should be doing. I mean, we should be doing everything. But we're not. We should be doing short films and sketches and comedy and stand-up and improv classes and theatre and putting up our own plays and entering the fringe and and and and and and
It's just frustrating after awhile.
And not too helpful to just talk and talk about it.

I wish I felt as successful as I seem.

If you had told 14-year-old me that I would have national commercials running, that I be a TV show that's airing internationally, that people would want to write roles just for me... well, I would've been in rapture, I would have been unbelievably excited, I would've fallen over I think.
I think I've lost the ability to be truly excited. Except about hilarious things.
I need to work on that.
Yes yes I'm going to work on my sense of excitement, my ability to express joy, my ability to be warm with people.

It just doesn't make any sense how sad I am today.

This is going to be a long holiday season...

TWO MONTHS TIL CHRISTMAS.

You have about one week until we are completely overwhelmed with Christmas Christmas Christmas. Get ready. AHhhh.
Already stores like Pier One and Homesense on Yonge are after my own heart. What huge gorgeous displays. And The Bay was putting up all their lights. Sigh Sigh double sigh.

I'm so paranoid all the time about being late for things. But then I'm still always late. I woke up much earlier than I had to today because I was scared I would over-sleep and miss my audition this afternoon, which is not until 3 pm. Hmm.
I'm hung-over. Again.
And I'm planning on partying for the next three nights at least. I think. Hallowe'en weekend. I have given absolutely no thought to what I should go as. Or even if I'll dress up. Maybe I'll go as "your mom got drunk and embarrassed you" again. That was a successful costume. I love smeared lipstick. And the costume only gets better as the night wears on. And you get to yell at people. I like costumes that come with a character and ways to behave.

Tonight is our S.O.S. dance party again at White Orchid. I hope there's people I don't know and babes to hit on.
I'm not working so I can't make Third come. Which is highly annoying. Maybe he asked Google about me and Google sent him here and he'll know to come to the party.
Because everyone is obsessed with me.

Hung out with SarahJane yesterday. Had lunch and discussed plans and Getting Shit Done.

Went to Grand Analog's show at Mod Club. He was opening up for Shad. It was really fun. And good. I think. I was a little drunk. A lot drunk. That's how I roll. I went through the crowd and gave S.O.S. dance party cards to all the cute boys. It took way more bravery than I thought. I chickened out a couple of times.
We went out drinking with some peeps afterwards. I might have slipped off the babe-train. But that's okay because... well. Hmm. I guess because it has to be. And because it's a non-drama situation. Yes. That's why.
I like Third best.

I have no patience.

Pusha T got the key he can unlock ya

I turned on the heater. I've been sitting and shivering for an hour. I give up. It's autumn.
I want it to snow! Especially since my bike is down. I like walking in the snow. Yesss Christmas.

My audition is by a Value Village. Trouble.

TWO MONTHS TIL MY BIRTHDAY

I'm slightly hung-over and sore in every part from too much working out yesterday. I think I'm even more out of shape than I'd feared.
I do not like working out. I do not like exercise where I notice that it is exercise. It seems pointless. I have better things to do. Like watching TV. And sleeping. I need an iPod. So badly. At least then I could get some fucking books on tape or something to listen to or something.
The Y is giving me a session with a personal trainer. Hmmm. We're going to work out a work out plan. I hope involves very little working out.
I'm going to try going to a lot of aquafit and dance classes. Those feel a lot less like work.
I want all my friends to join the gym with me, give me motivation and stuff.

I'm very angry with Rogers as it seems that I won't, in fact, get to watch MTV because that's one of the very few channels they refuse to preview for me. And it would cost an extra $25/month to see it. What? Ridiculous.
The Final 24 episode about Jim Morrison is airing in the states on Hallowe'en and then all the time after that looks like. I'm so famous. I still don't know when it'll air here.

My work crush is not in love with me. I see no other explanation as to why he wouldn't constantly seek me out and pay attention to only me and pursue me outside of work. I have no patience for crushes. I don't even like having crushes. Except for when it's exciting. Then I do for realz.
Aw, I do like him though. I do like babes. Too much.

Went to see Carolyn Mark last night with Tamara. Dakota Tavern is one of my favourite bars that I rarely go to. I always feel like I'm in a different city when I'm in there. Like maybe Nashville. Or Thunder Bay at least.
My Sloan-friend Gregory was playing in her band and invited me. I hadn't seen him since he moved here so I felt like I should go. Also, I'd heard many good things about Carolyn Mark. And she was really good and fun. But I think I liked the two openers even better. NQ Arbuckle and Rich Hope. Both were amazing and dancey and I felt like I was at a really cool hoe-down. The dad I baby-sit for was there. It's funny to be in a social situation with someone who you work for... especially if the work is being in their house and interacting properly with their most prized possessions. But I like that dad. And it was nice to see Gregory and nice to have Tam there to dance with.

Dreamt last night that I was pregnant, almost at full-term, with my friend's BF's baby. Hmm. I realized I had been spending so much money on beer and eating out that there was no way I was going to be able to afford a crib. No worries, I thought, I am all alone anyhow, she can just sleep in my bed. Also, it was going to be a little black baby girl and I thought there's no way I'm going to know how to do her hair. Also, I was refusing to move back to Saskatoon so I was constantly on the phone to my mother who was my long-distance lamaze partner.

I think I'm overly-lonely.

TWO MONTHS AND ONE DAY UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY

For a few minutes there this morning, it was feeling like everything was going to irritate me to the point of distraction today. But I seem to have calmed down.

I was awoken by an overly-long phone call from Rogers. Rogers is obsessed with me and my services from them. They are obsessed with offering me free things in order to prove how excited they are to have me as a customer. Today they offered me all the specialty channels for free for one month. The trick is I have to remember to cancel them before the month is up otherwise I'll be charged $45 on top of my other fees. Ew. I'll remember though.
BUT.
You know what this means?
This means I'm going to see my MTV commercial!!!!! On TV!!! And I'm going to tape it. Is that dorky? Yesssss yes.
I will no longer be the only person I've ever met that hasn't seen it (who knew that so many people had MTV).
Hurrah!
I hope I also get to see Cock'd Gunns and other ones that exist only on channels that are too rich for my blood. Ohhh Movie Network...

I went to pick up the pictures of AlexPB. Overall I am not impressed with myself on this shoot. I wish that we'd done another roll. I wish I knew how to a) focus a camera and b) trust my light meter. But some of them are quite beautiful, I think.


This one is well-photoshopped by the developing guy. It looks strange but I sort of like it.


I like the hair. I don't know if it's usable because of that... but I think it's neat.





Yesterday when I went to get on my bike I discovered that my back tire is so flat that it's loose. Wow. I depend on that bike. So much.
But luckily I didn't have anywhere where I HAD to be. So I spent hours just walking around the city. Walking really slows everything down. In a bad way, but also I notice everything so much more. It's just easier to pay attention.

I went to the Y to make an appointment to renew my membership. Which is today. !!! I'm going to be fit! (We'll see...) I have to run in the short that Adam's making with me and lord knows I am not a runner. I have never ever ever liked running. I'm going to try and be at least a bit better at it by the time we shoot in a few weeks.

I Christmas shopped a bit. But mostly I shopped for me. Because that's what I do when I realize I don't have a proper job and will probably run out of money very very quickly.
I bought two new bras. They were on sale at Jacob. I am a weird size and Jacob's sizes are weird. But they're nice. And I haven't bought a new bra in too long.
And I bought my perfume, which I've been out of for a couple of weeks. Good goddamn I love that perfume. I've loved it since 2k1 and I think I like it more now. Once again, if only there were a man I felt that way about.

Bothered my mum on the phone for too long last night. Sometimes I just get a little bit lonely living here.
I was trying to work on my TV show and it just wasn't working out. I did write a few ideas down. But that was about it. Then I had a beer and watched more TV. And read my book.

Work tonight.
But working out first, which I'm even mildly excited for. Must be the coffee. I'm going to go on the rowing machine!