too much of a good thing is never enough

OH-MISTLETOE.BLOGSPOT.COM

Sorry, Diary, I've been ignoring you. I'm favouring that other one. Because it's more interesting to write in I guess.

It's shitty when I cancel plans to stay in and write and then I don't actually get around to writing. I might as well have been having fun instead of weinering around on the internet. Double sigh.
It would be even better if when I stayed in to write, I actually wrote.

I did good work on Wednesday, I wrote for over three hours and got massive amounts done. I have trouble getting started when I know I have to go do something later on. Even if later on is two hours away I still feel like I shouldn't get into it. And it's bad that I have trouble settling in until after midnight. Especially since I frequently go out at night. And especially because most days I'm babysitting in the morning. And it's good to be alert when chasing small children.

I kind of like babysitting, I expected to grow tired of it quite quickly, but it's still interesting. I like Ana and T-Rex a lot. I'm learning more and more how to interact with Ana best. She's sort of tricky - one half rude and pushy, and one half terribly sweet and nervous. And she takes everything very, very seriously. The brother baby, on the other hand, is still extremely well-behaved and laid-back. And his smile could maybe save the world.

Still partying all the time with my one single GF, Stef. You know what her problem is though? She has a full-time job. Stupid. People who work all the time are dumb.
Except I need to start acting like I have a job. I mean, that my own work is my job. To justify how little other work I do.

I'm so getting fired from ACC at the end of the season when they assess attendance. But it's their damn fault for requiring me for shifts I already told them I can't work. Some bits of the union rules there are RIDICULOUS.
Just saying.
I wish I weren't getting fired. I like it. I like seeing friends and wandering around and bothering people. And the shifts are so short and the money is so good.

I love improv. I'm excited to go to improv tomorrow. I love being excited about things. I'm pretty good at it, also. Just saying. I want to do more and more of it. And I'm excited to go for beers after class with my new friends. New people are great. So much to say and discuss. Yeah huh.

Went to Ikea with Stef this week. I love the frozen yogurt for $1!
I bought a giant red rug for the bedroom (calling different parts of my bachelor apartment different rooms is a very hilarious joke), which is sort of awkward but still better than the awful blue carpeting. Carpeting is gross and should be illegal.
They had standard size feather pillows for $3.25. I bought two and they are very comfortable. In retrospect I should have bought seven. I also bought baskets to put things in. Now I don't have as many mittens and hats and scarves strewn about the entrance-way.
This place has lapsed into disaster again. It's awful. I pretend like I'm writing so that I don't have to clean. "I can't clean write now, I'm about to start writing", etc.

I slept for 11 hours last night and I'm still tired. I party so hard. I feel kind of dizzy when I move my head.

bore-festivals

I didn't do anything social today. Besides work for 6 hours. Which was enough. More than enough.
Stupid Monster Trucks. I got stuck in a shitty section and made no money and was so bored that I sat on the floor for most of the time.
The girl I was working with said the EXACT same things to each customer. In the EXACT same intonation. Good thing we didn't have many customers.

Stephanie and I have been partying all the time. To the extreme. She put me in a cab last night while I was yelling about wanting to go to an after-hours. She is a good friend. Especially since I had to work at 11 this morning.
Yesterday I had brunch at Musa with her and SarahJane. I think Musa can be my back-up plan for when I've over-done Aunties. Except Aunties has friends.
And Friday night Steph and I got right shittered at Octopus (this bar's name is actually not spelt like that but I'm going to continue spelling it correctly). SarahJ pours the drinks a little strongly so it's hard to keep track of how much I've drank. Especially since the glasses seem to magically refill themselves there. We did our rounds of hellos there and bothered SarahJ as much as physically possible then we went to hip-hop karaoke at The Boat. At which point my memory fails me. We went back to Octopus, I guess, and then I wisely (if not gracefully) bowed out of the evening. I left a trail of destruction coming into my apartment and woke up wearing clothes I never pick. I guess I have different taste when I'm drunk.

I worked at ACC Friday and Saturday nights as well and made a bunch of money. I love money. I love when money gets to me. On Saturday the man I worked with and I spent most of the eve talking about television and specifically how bad Canadian TV is.
Wow is it ever bad.

I'm 100% in love with watching repeats of Roseanne. I love it. I think it's an amazing show. Especially from the first couple of years. It's the nicest, funniest sit-com. I laugh continuously and also find it quite lovely.
Sit-coms are not made like this anymore. I am going to write more about this on OH-MISTLETOE soon, hopefully.
I really want to write a family sit-com now. Because we need more of them.

I want to do anything that helps me procrastinate doing all the other projects I really should finish.

This diary is now boring x 10000 to make you go read the other one.

oh-mistletoe

oh-mistletoe.blogspot.com

I don't know what to do about this whole "blogging" thing. I'm growing a little tired of this set up and this way of writing and this weblog. This weblog is just for me, it's not written well, it's not about being interesting or entertaining, it's about keeping track of what I'm doing and what I'm feeling. It's for posterity and to reference when I need to know what happened when and how exactly it went down.
Which is fine.
But it's not enough.

I spend way too much time on the internet to not contribute more to it. Or at least pretend to.
And I've been influenced in the past while by blogs/sites that are not only constantly updated, but constantly interesting.

1)She Does the City
I met some of these girls in the summertime when they reviewed the play I was involved with, I saw them out and about at V fest later on. They are very cool and I am jealous of how they seem to be the type to Get Shit Done and yet manage to Party All the Time (my ideal lifestyle).

2)s-nicole.blogspot.com
One of the girls from She Does the City. I relate x 100 to this and am jealous of how she knows how to put things.

3)Avenging Sybil
This is the YA lit blog of my longest Diaryland friend, Dawn. This tells me what I will want to read. I want to do something similar about the industry of acting in Toronto (specifically for film and TV) and the state of television in this country. And related business, of course.

4)Nunc Scio
I found this and it's written by a guy in my improv class. Let it be known across the world that upon meeting anyone I generally try and find out as much as I can about them on the internet. Which is usually way too much and then I feel weird. I like knowing more about people than they know about me. Which never works out because I post every secret I've ever had all over the internet in every place I can find.
Anyhow. This blog is entertaining and it's now the only place I'm going to find my news.

5)raymitheminx.com
Parts of this are amazing. Even the stuff I'm not too fond of makes me think.

6) That's Wizard
This is Miranda's BF's new mp3 blog that I'm expecting great things from. And that I've already gotten great music from.

7)saidthegramophone.com
I already said about this one, but I'm enjoying it more and more.

.

ANYHOW

I've started a new blog.

OH-MISTLETOE.BLOGSPOT.COM

The new fantastic blog will be for:

proper writings
photos
reviews of things
acting/the film industry in Toronto
Canadian television
poetry
lists
shows/music

This old fantastic blog will still be kept up but most likely in a minimalist way.
I seriously keep this mostly to keep records for myself. So I'm going to continue to do so and talk about people and what I did and what I ate for dinner. But if you don't want to read it anymore (I always assume no one does anyhow), that would be just fine.

.

On that note:

Sat the kids more today and yesterday. It's amazing how kids make neighbourhoods real home. Only two weeks into looking after these little ones and now I am knowing neighbours, recognizing kids from swimming or the indoor playground, saying hi to people at the grocery store.
So strange and quite lovely.

Baby-sitting is supposed to be like birth control for me. Mentally, I mean, I was doing it so that I would get my fill of kids and not want any of mine own.
It's not working.
But I guess now it becomes even more important that I plan and orchestrate my life to be able to be a mother.
In the sooner rather than later future.
By which I mean at least a couple of years.

Saw SarahB and Ellen and friend last night. I want SarahB to be living in this city still so that she can Party All the Time with me. And I want Ellen to be around more often. She's coming back through soon on her way around the continent promoting/planning the We Are Many Festival.

I'm eating healthily again. For once? I'm buying fruits and vegetables and drinking water.
I need to keep at it. I'm ridiculous.

I sure didn't come home and write instead of drinking the other night. I went to Steph's with SarahJ and Solo, instead. Win some, lose some.

Had coffee with Miranda for about two hours yesterday. I feel like the first hour or so of any interaction is surface and it's only after getting really really settled does one start to talk about anything important or new.

I've been on the internet for about 9 hours and I kind of want to die. Except not because I want to play Oregon Trail on Facebook for ever and ever. And get my new blog started.

Was House a new one this week?
And was Medium?

there's no way to prepare for improvisation

Sometimes the way people put things just makes the day get a whole lot better. That's the only reason I write, maybe. Is to effect people. (I don't mean on here - I mean when I write creatively.)
Stephanie sent me the link to her brother's blog, saidthegramophone.com. It's very nice. So well put together. Makes me a bit jealous that my blog is always such a personalized mess - but then, that's what it's here for. It's part mp3 blog (I downloaded a bunch of them and it's like they made me a mix tape) and part nice writings. This, specifically, I loved (I hope he wouldn't be mad that I'm re-posting it):

file under: purchases: small
when you buy a dish rack from the dollar store, don't forget to also buy the tray that goes underneath it. that's also a dollar.

file under: growing up: firsts
if you need to know what french kissing is like, and how to do it, I would recommend thinking of the kiss as a sleep and your tongue as the dream. It's not right away, and it doesn't last the whole time.

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Took Ana to swimming lessons yesterday. All the little ones are sort of painfully adorable. I'm feeling sort of raw in unexpected ways lately and the tiny group of girls feeling helpless in the water was a bit wrenching. I wanted to be in there holding all of their hands as they had to dip their faces in.
The new baby in that household is ridiculously well-behaved. He rarely fusses and usually just laughs or watches everything intently. Ana runs at his face and almost jumps on him and he's still just so calm.

.

I'm so remarkably not into babes right now that it's sort of funny. Well, I am into babes in that I want to look at them.. and possibly interact with them (physically. obviously. uh huh.) and drunk dial them but not date them. I am not wanting to be indebted or responsible to anyone.

When I got back to Toronto last year after being in a very quick and very intense relationship, I was looking for more of the same. Basically from the minute I stepped off the plane I was wanting someone to come sleep at my house every day, to have dinner with, to run errands with, to come to shows, to tell about my day to, etc, etc. I was looking for the dailies. And I tried to get that from people who weren't interested in dailies at all. And then when I got it, it turned out that that wasn't what I was looking for.

It's my job right now to start Getting Shit Done. I know I always say that, but I'm going to have to keep on. Trying to make it come true.

Well, I had my first improv class last night. I was really, really nervous. Of course. But it ended up being really good and I ended up being really funny. It seemed short. Which means it was enjoyable.
There's only one other woman in the class, then 6 men. Nerd-boys, but in the way I like, where they talk about music and Mac computers and Star Trek and blogging.
I went out with some of the boys and my teacher, Browning, for beer afterwards. I like doing stuff like that. Any new people to try out are fun. I like being in situations I've never been in before. Ended up staying drinking with Browning and his film partner until 3. Because I party all the time.
I think I'm going to like the class. And be good at it. And it will give me the confidence I need to start doing comedy in real time.
Right.
Right.

I had dinner with Sophia last night at an Asian vegetarian restaurant. It was really good. It had pages and pages of different things I could eat. What a treat! We sort of talked more about our sketch plans. I've actually been writing stuff out. Amazing.

Went out with Miranda on Saturday with her law school friends. There were a couple of babes. And a lot of drinking. I need to be out with new people more. Because I love it. And all of my friends are coupled-off and that's annoying. It makes them less interested in Party All The Time.
My only interest.

Went drinking with SarahJ and Steph on Sunday night. Lay around the Drake on their sofas and drank wine and ate way too many desserts, then went to Dakota for more eating and drinking and ogling cute cowboys.
I always feel stronger for having spent time with those girls. I couldn't really pinpoint why, but still.

Work at ACC tonight. I wish I weren't going to get fired from there because I do really like it. Maybe I will come home and write instead of going out to drink. Or maybe I won't.

sometimes it's too much though

My hands are covered in crazy glue and gold paint. I always, always underestimate the power of crazy glue.

I stayed in last night and worked on my apartment. I cleaned up a bit (not nearly enough), put things into tins and jars and forty bottles, dusted (what? that's not part of my repertoire), re-made the bed, organized the clothing, and painted things. I always get bored of doing the dishes part way through and wander away. Good job.
I painted a tack board red, then edged it with green ribbon and patterned it with pale gold. Very pretties. And I painted a red paper light shade with pale golden snowflakes. Also pretty pretties.

I had a terrible dilemma where I needed another cover on my bed at night (this attic gets pretty cold), but I didn't want to lose the feeling of the eiderdown and I certainly didn't want to cover up the duvet cover my mother so lovingly handcrafted. So I put the other comforter inside the duvet cover as well, over top of the down. Now it's so ridiculously heavy and still beautiful. No wonder I never leave my house.

James Franco is still a total babe of life, but James Dean is not a very good movie.
I've been watching way too much TV. But I love it.
I love Grey's Anatomy still.
I'm tired of no new shows. I'm going to have to get addicted to shows I never watch just to fill the void. Then when they're all back on I'll be in trouble.

Had brunch with Miranda yesterday. First brunch in way, way too long. Oh brunch! And David was back. And Priscilla was working, which was a little strange. But we were more than polite (bordering on friendly, even?).
I had the omelette. Of course. We stayed for too long. Of course.

Then I went shopping and got a beautiful Paper Blanks day planner. So nice. Red with delicate gold trim. Everything in my life is seriously Christmas-based.
I also bought champagne. Because that's the only thing I want to drink.
And I bought hyacinths. I'm going to try and take better care of the bulbs this time and re-grow them a few times. Seems possible. In theory. Except about how I don't even see plants.

Today, I watched a lot of TV. Cleaned up a bit (got tired of the dishes again). Read some (Guy Vanderhauge is really good. hmm.)
I went out tonight with Miranda to one of her law-school get-togethers. Except it was mostly for this one guy's birthday. It was kind of fun - based on how much champagne I downed before leaving the house? Who knows? I haven't been out-on-the-town really, since being back. And every babe around was specifically built for me, as far as I could tell. I love babes. Don't know if you know that..

Earlier this week I had a meeting with Sophia about our sketch comedy and what we're doing with it... we sort of have different ideas of it.. but if we could manage to make them co-exist.. it might end very well. It might end up we have a continuously entertaining show, because each part would be different.

I'm drunk. I'd continue this entry that I started writing earlier today except for Google. Google sometimes is up to no good.

well then, make it better

I did it. I signed up for improv classes. The 300 level, they let me skip up because of studying in college with Allan. But now I'm nervous. Secretly, I'm not terribly self-confident. Not about real-time things.
But also excited. I'm pretty funny............... so................

I made lentil soup tonight. And apple crisp. And watched a lot of TV and did only a little bit of writing. But enough. Hoping to get the next issue of Et Puis? out as soon as possible.
It becomes clearer that I'm happiest when I'm producing and moving. And keeping on top of everything.

I tried watching the new CBC series The Border, but it wasn't my cup of tea. Maybe my brother would like it. I did see an old classmate for about a second on it, so that was good. It's good that some of us are working. Here and there.

I can't believe the writer's strike is still on.
This is so unbelievably Canadian television's opportunity. It's the major Canadian networks' chance to start producing our own content. They're probably realizing that - to a degree, but mostly still filling the schedule with reality junk. Reality is such a waste. A drain. I want more art on television. I want more programming that is about something.
It'll be strange not to have a pilot season in LA this year. All those actors staying home.

I wonder if Canada will ever have a strong TV industry, of our own. Not just filming US shows in Vancouver.
The biggest problem is that we keep up with shows that are crap. And even all the new pilots are crap. And good shows aren't ever given a chance. The only good Canadian TV is being produced by the cable networks like Showcase or The Movie Network, and those shows aren't out there for everyone to see. Because cable is so damned expensive.
Still, I would totally rather have my series on MN, they seem less scared of pushing stuff, of doing really big budgets, of shooting high quality.

For a country known for it's sense of humour, for it's importing of great comedians, we sure suck at sitcoms. I'm alright with Corner Gas, but beyond that?
And I see a lot of great live comedy (sketch, stand-up, improv, etc), why don't these people get more shows? Why haven't we learned to transfer it to screen?

There seems to be only two types of Canadian programming on the major networks:
a) The Canadian type of show -
where we showcase our true Canadian-ness, our true love of bad, easy jokes, and quaint lifestyles. Our politeness and how everything is "fine". Where we showcase Hockey, how small our towns are, how nice everyone is.
(ie: Little Mosque on the Prairie, Train 48 [God help us - what was that beyond-low-budget wreck?], Hatching, Matching and Dispatching)
b) The American type of show -
where we try and pretend that we are actually as exciting and sexy as the US. Where we just totally rip off their programming and just set it in Canada so we can call it our own.
(ie: Falcon Beach, and Whistler [both just exactly The O.C. in poor disguise], Instant Star, The Best Years [that was even fucking set in the US, what the hell? How is that Canadian programming?], etc)

Hmm. I didn't expect to write that entry. Interesting.

free food is not for refusin'

I'm pretty much done with being ill now. I've pretty much had enough.
I would be alright with a little less coughing in the night that keeps me up for hours and hours.

I'm unused to standing on my feet all day. I'm tired. But still feeling excited/excitable.
Starting to think in possible poems again. That's a start.
And I'm getting excited about the TV show again. Freshness and stuff. Hopefully.

Apparently they've put last year's MTV commercial on air again. Which I've never seen and barely remember doing. Now I have 4 commercials on air.
Wild.

Saw Ellen this afternoon. Hung out with her at her cousin's house with her friend Bryan who is touring for the We Are Many festival with her. Then we went for beer and actually talked. For the first time in awhile.
We tossed around the idea of writing a book together on what it's like being in love with someone with a mental illness, and getting over them, and all that comes with that. It's such a hard thing, and a rarely visited subject. There's no room in this society's set-up for the mentally ill. And little support/understanding for friends and family of the mentally ill.
As much as I'd never wish ill on Ellen, it's nice to have someone who actually knows what I mean.
Actually.

Worked with one of my favourite co-workers at ACC today. He's a crusty old postman who makes fun of me constantly and we laugh at each other's attempts at insults. And we make fun of the customers and see who can out-sarcastic the other. He's a Capricorn too. Makes so much sense.
Sundays are dumb because they're so slow, but also the quickest shifts, so it's not too bad. And I got a free milkshake so it was worthwhile. I never buy milkshakes, but free is never a bad thing. Free food is not for refusing. Unless it's made of meat or other gross things, then it's okay.

Went to see an acoustic Weather Station show tonight. It was pretty neat. The other bad was great too, a whole back up group of stompers and clappers and whistlers and singers for this one guy with a guitar. Very fun. I went because I had to hang with David again before he goes back to Halifax. But he says he's moving back. Maybe as soon as next month! David is one of my very very best BFFs. Even when he's being obnoxious.

I love Toronto.
I realized that when I got back. I love it here. So very much.

I'm steeling myself for this year's February/March (ie: the worst time of year). I'm stock-piling good feelings and making plans and committing to things to keep me going and see me through.

I'm always so starry-eyed

I'm a total dweeb for getting overly-excited about receiving a myspace-standard-sort-of email from Marshall Herskovitz (of My So-Called Life and Quarterlife). Aww, I'm such a fan of his though.
I liked this comment of his on one of the Quarterlife forums:
"Forgive me for being thrilled that you would write that you're looking to find the my so-called life kind of people. I guess that's about as good a way of describing why we built this site as anything I've heard. The irony of course being that the Angela Chase's of this world do not necessarily reveal their deepest and truest selves in public -- even in a public place like this. Still, I hope you find those people, because they're definitely on this site..."

Also, Mr. Herskovitz using the term "LOL" is terribly funny to me for some reason.

I love the interweb.

Yes. Yes Yes I am totally wasting time on Quarterlife instead of writing my own damned script. But my own damned script is a sack of poo. It stinks! Kind of like Ethan's stinky butt.
I sent my mum the most recent draft and she got back to me with feedback, the helpful kind, even and I still don't feel like working on it.
I don't know what to do about it.
I don't even remember highschool anymore. It seems made up.

I want Herskovitz and Zwick to write my show for me.

.

Worked 11 hours today. I'm not sure why I'm still awake. I'm getting my voice back. I'm hoping to not lie awake for 2 hours coughing tonight. Buckley's tastes so, so bad. I'll probably have nightmares about the taste.

Made fantastical amounts of money today.
I love the skydome but I hate the disorganization and the issues with the work. I like being a favourite and a "good worker" though. I like having jobs I look forward to.
But I still don't want to do them forever.

Put plans in motion for "getting shit done".

Got recognized from TV a whole lot more at both jobs, people who shouldn't even know who I am. It's very, very strange. I don't know how to react or be as appreciative as I am feeling.
Did I mention about the girl in Saskatoon who recognized me? It was very surreal. I felt very much like someone was putting her up to it.
"I wasn't sure if it was you but then I saw you dancing..."

Seems like it'd be scary to be uncreative. Imagine just being an actor. None of it would be up to you... waiting for the right roles and right lines. It seems strange.
I need to write, right..

I wish I could remember to be excited about this life more often.

it's nice to be back with my conditioner

I'm feeling a whole lot better today. No new symptoms, for the first time in awhile. That's hot. I almost have a bit of a voice. I may even go to work tomorrow. I really have to. No scratch.

Ventured out only once today - to the grocery store. I have no tastebuds right now so I had a hard time shopping. There wasn't much I really wanted.

I like to do a whole lot of things to "prepare" to write. This is ridiculous. Frequently I just "prepare" for so long and never actually get down to writing. I like to:
- make tea
- get a soft blanket to wrap up in
- get snacks
- eat the snacks
- think of more snacks to eat
- change my clothes
- put my hair up
- decide on music
(which usually involves downloading and searching for new things)
- go on freerice.com (2500 grains I donated today!)
- watch internet TV that possibly relates to what I may or may not write about (watched all of Quarterlife!)
- blog
- check all my internet sites over and over again

I'm single again (who's surprised???) I've realized that I may not want a relationship at all. It's surprising how little work I get done when there's someone I can distract myself with. Seems like it would be possible to achieve a balance, but I'm not sure I'm capable of it yet.

I drank a lot of champagne last month. It was my champagne birthday - so it only makes sense. Now it's all I want. And beer. I didn't drink much beer in Saskatoon. I drank a lot of hard liquor. Hard liquor is easier to sneak into bars.
I remembered to bring my flask back with me this time. And it still had liquor in it from last visit. That's how I know my brother is a square.
But I like that he's a square with a driver's license. Best birthday present he's given me was driving me around this holiday season.

I'm 24 now.
I like that number. It seems solid somehow. The beginning of a new year always seems so promising, I like that I'm also a new age in the beginning of a new year.
Our perception of time speeds up as we get older. I'm noticing that to be true, more and more. I frequently leave situations and think "oh well, I won't have deal with this for months" and then next thing I know all those months have passed...

I was nagging Constantine about doing something with his life... and realizing that I'm the same.
I have tonnes of ideas and plans... it's just the execution of it all

Talking to Miamo on MSN. She's depressed about her acting career and everything that goes along with it, the poverty in particular.
Gahhhd.
After Christmas is the hardest (and coldest) part of the year.
I will not get down (except in a really, really funky way).

clean slate in '08!

Seriously? Seriously almost a month?

whoa. I really shit the bed on this one. I'm a terrible diarist.

I wonder when (if ever) my blog skills will peter out? Is this the beginning of the end?

quarterlife.com is made just for me. Dear Marshall Herskovitz and Edward Zwick, how did you know I needed this show? How did you base all of the characters on me? Especially the one who talks way too much about her friends on her blog and tells everyone's secrets, including her own?
It's not My So-Called Life, but then, nothing is. And this is good. And it's getting me thinking about writing my (theoretical) show again.

I have the worst cold I have had in years maybe. It's super intense. Luckily I took an aeroplane back to Toronto today and that sure fucked my ears up. They don't feel as bad since I had a nap, but I was a little worried for a bit there that my hearing loss was going to last. And worried about how much it hurt.
I have several other gross, gross symptoms with this bug that I won't share. But I totally don't have a voice. At All. I was considering calling my mum then realized that was an impossibility. I danced around singing in a loud whisper for awhile, but it was really un-fulfilling.

Uh-oh. Joel's facebook status says that his sickness is an Adenovirus. Aaaand, I'm pretty sure that's what I have. Wow, I hope no one gets this. It looks nasty nasty. Fuck, now I'm nervous of what's to come. That would explain my stomach flu on boxing day. And why my ears and eyes are the grossest ever.
Aw fuck. I don't want to be holed up in my house for days.
No, actually, that's alright. I haven't written in much, much too long, so I'll do that. And watch Quarterlife.

I'm bundled up in front of this machine in my new down duvet (courtesy of my best cousin and her kin) which is covered in the new duvet cover that I designed and my mother executed more beautifully than I'd thought possible. It's so gorgeous. My bed is so ridiculous. David came over this afternoon and bundled himself up in it. It's irresistible. Dark red sateen sheets and all kinds of beautiful Christmas fabrics patchworked on the duvet cover. But it's beautiful, you might not even notice that it was Christmas at first.... unless you know me, in which case you'd just totally expect it.

There's no food in the house. Only what I brought back with me. I realized when I got home this afternoon at 2 that I hadn't eaten since 8 the night before. So I feasted on mini bags of doritos and on Christmas chocolate and the nuts that my aunt gave me for baking supplies.
After my nap I made (fake) chicken noodle soup, which was about my only choice.
I think the eggs are still good - so I have breakfast for tomorrow!

Christmas is actually over. It's done. And I'm done with winter. As I always say; winter, after Christmas, is no winter at all.

I made such a good haul this year. I was thinking that as I unpacked today. Decorated my apartment with all my new things and drank tea out of my new mug...
I love things.
I'm such a stuff kind of person.
I'm hoping I get better and better at taking care of my stuff and at valuing it.

I don't live in Saskatoon. This has never been clearer. It was hard this year that some friends weren't at home. And even the ones that were there have such specific lives that really don't involve me at all.
Fraser got really, really drunk at Bandswap and said "Meredith, we lead very different lives!" and when I agreed wholeheartedly he said "But does that mean we can never be friends?"
It kind of broke my heart. He told me that he's somewhat jealous of me having moved away.. and I'm more than jealous of him having stayed there (even though it's not for me). I know that drunk people are drunk people, but I believed him when he said he loves me, because even though we're not bffs anymore, I love him ridiculous amounts.

It was wonderful to see the people I did though.

My fam was wonderful. Every time I looked at Ethan and Rachel I almost cried. They are so not the babies I first left them as. They are huge. They are real people. And, even better, they are real people who I like. I like them both so much. Even when they hit me. Or kick me in the crotch. I wish I had spent even more time with them.
Their new baby sister was more than cute. Obviously. We don't make them any other way in this fam. No way.



I re-bonded with Carlan and Maggi this trip, which was an unexpected bonus. Especially with Maggi. I read her diary these days but that's about as far as it goes. But we got to go scope for husbands and drink (a lot) and even have a bathtub talk together.
I didn't realize how much I missed Carlan until I saw her. She's such a babe, and has such a great way of speaking and relating.
I got to hang out with Steph a lot too. We made sweet gingerbread cookies and decorated them (really, really badly, some) and had a great dinner last night.

It was good to see Charlotte too. She's neat. It's funny the awkwardness when I first see people again after a long time.. I'm so weird. Charlotte and I were the designated dancers/ raffle girls for Bandswap, which Alisin organized this year. It was pretty great. We wore superhero outfits with our gitch over top our tights and sweet silver capes that I made. Such total babes, like I can even explain.

Hillary and I had our traditional Valentines date at Chiantis and ordered the same thing (romantic!). And she and Gill came for lunch with me and Ashley on my birthday. Hillary gave the sweetest origami hearts card set and Christmas card making set... everyone is getting Christmas cards all year round.
Ashley got engaged! Holy fuck. Not that I didn't see it coming. According to facebook most girls I went to elementary with are having kids or are married. Weird!

I'm getting old.

Hung out with Constantine when I first got into town. He's such a doll. We had our grilled cheese platters and both totally cleaned our plates and ate all our ice cream treats!
No one is as rewarding to call when I get to town as him. He generally says "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ARE YOU IN TOWN? WHEN ARE WE GETTING G.C.P.S?" It's really nice.
His new roommate Roger is a doll as well. We all hung out last night. Went to two different bars with them and Constantine knocked the plate out of our server's hand while doing an impression of Roger doing an impression of him. Very silly. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to watch them make grilled cheese and bother Roger while he was trying to read and then watch Deathproof instead of going home to get some sleep before my 7 am flight. I'm ridiculous. And easily swayed.
So easily swayed.

I love Christmas. Not working over Christmas was such a good choice. I was so much less stressed than I normally am. And since I love Christmas ever so much, it doesn't seem fair that I wouldn't get to enjoy it. I think this was the first year in awhile where I didn't have a meltdown. We also didn't have a turkey, which I was pretty grateful for. We had pot pies and stuffing and salad and ginger cheesecake. It was all too good. Too, too good.

My birthday was awesome as well, actually except being sick all holidays, this year was pretty exceptional.

Hmmm. I wonder if anyone'll make it through this entry. I need to go to sleep.