too much of a good thing is never enough

OH-MISTLETOE.BLOGSPOT.COM

Sorry, Diary, I've been ignoring you. I'm favouring that other one. Because it's more interesting to write in I guess.

It's shitty when I cancel plans to stay in and write and then I don't actually get around to writing. I might as well have been having fun instead of weinering around on the internet. Double sigh.
It would be even better if when I stayed in to write, I actually wrote.

I did good work on Wednesday, I wrote for over three hours and got massive amounts done. I have trouble getting started when I know I have to go do something later on. Even if later on is two hours away I still feel like I shouldn't get into it. And it's bad that I have trouble settling in until after midnight. Especially since I frequently go out at night. And especially because most days I'm babysitting in the morning. And it's good to be alert when chasing small children.

I kind of like babysitting, I expected to grow tired of it quite quickly, but it's still interesting. I like Ana and T-Rex a lot. I'm learning more and more how to interact with Ana best. She's sort of tricky - one half rude and pushy, and one half terribly sweet and nervous. And she takes everything very, very seriously. The brother baby, on the other hand, is still extremely well-behaved and laid-back. And his smile could maybe save the world.

Still partying all the time with my one single GF, Stef. You know what her problem is though? She has a full-time job. Stupid. People who work all the time are dumb.
Except I need to start acting like I have a job. I mean, that my own work is my job. To justify how little other work I do.

I'm so getting fired from ACC at the end of the season when they assess attendance. But it's their damn fault for requiring me for shifts I already told them I can't work. Some bits of the union rules there are RIDICULOUS.
Just saying.
I wish I weren't getting fired. I like it. I like seeing friends and wandering around and bothering people. And the shifts are so short and the money is so good.

I love improv. I'm excited to go to improv tomorrow. I love being excited about things. I'm pretty good at it, also. Just saying. I want to do more and more of it. And I'm excited to go for beers after class with my new friends. New people are great. So much to say and discuss. Yeah huh.

Went to Ikea with Stef this week. I love the frozen yogurt for $1!
I bought a giant red rug for the bedroom (calling different parts of my bachelor apartment different rooms is a very hilarious joke), which is sort of awkward but still better than the awful blue carpeting. Carpeting is gross and should be illegal.
They had standard size feather pillows for $3.25. I bought two and they are very comfortable. In retrospect I should have bought seven. I also bought baskets to put things in. Now I don't have as many mittens and hats and scarves strewn about the entrance-way.
This place has lapsed into disaster again. It's awful. I pretend like I'm writing so that I don't have to clean. "I can't clean write now, I'm about to start writing", etc.

I slept for 11 hours last night and I'm still tired. I party so hard. I feel kind of dizzy when I move my head.

bore-festivals

I didn't do anything social today. Besides work for 6 hours. Which was enough. More than enough.
Stupid Monster Trucks. I got stuck in a shitty section and made no money and was so bored that I sat on the floor for most of the time.
The girl I was working with said the EXACT same things to each customer. In the EXACT same intonation. Good thing we didn't have many customers.

Stephanie and I have been partying all the time. To the extreme. She put me in a cab last night while I was yelling about wanting to go to an after-hours. She is a good friend. Especially since I had to work at 11 this morning.
Yesterday I had brunch at Musa with her and SarahJane. I think Musa can be my back-up plan for when I've over-done Aunties. Except Aunties has friends.
And Friday night Steph and I got right shittered at Octopus (this bar's name is actually not spelt like that but I'm going to continue spelling it correctly). SarahJ pours the drinks a little strongly so it's hard to keep track of how much I've drank. Especially since the glasses seem to magically refill themselves there. We did our rounds of hellos there and bothered SarahJ as much as physically possible then we went to hip-hop karaoke at The Boat. At which point my memory fails me. We went back to Octopus, I guess, and then I wisely (if not gracefully) bowed out of the evening. I left a trail of destruction coming into my apartment and woke up wearing clothes I never pick. I guess I have different taste when I'm drunk.

I worked at ACC Friday and Saturday nights as well and made a bunch of money. I love money. I love when money gets to me. On Saturday the man I worked with and I spent most of the eve talking about television and specifically how bad Canadian TV is.
Wow is it ever bad.

I'm 100% in love with watching repeats of Roseanne. I love it. I think it's an amazing show. Especially from the first couple of years. It's the nicest, funniest sit-com. I laugh continuously and also find it quite lovely.
Sit-coms are not made like this anymore. I am going to write more about this on OH-MISTLETOE soon, hopefully.
I really want to write a family sit-com now. Because we need more of them.

I want to do anything that helps me procrastinate doing all the other projects I really should finish.

This diary is now boring x 10000 to make you go read the other one.

oh-mistletoe

oh-mistletoe.blogspot.com

I don't know what to do about this whole "blogging" thing. I'm growing a little tired of this set up and this way of writing and this weblog. This weblog is just for me, it's not written well, it's not about being interesting or entertaining, it's about keeping track of what I'm doing and what I'm feeling. It's for posterity and to reference when I need to know what happened when and how exactly it went down.
Which is fine.
But it's not enough.

I spend way too much time on the internet to not contribute more to it. Or at least pretend to.
And I've been influenced in the past while by blogs/sites that are not only constantly updated, but constantly interesting.

1)She Does the City
I met some of these girls in the summertime when they reviewed the play I was involved with, I saw them out and about at V fest later on. They are very cool and I am jealous of how they seem to be the type to Get Shit Done and yet manage to Party All the Time (my ideal lifestyle).

2)s-nicole.blogspot.com
One of the girls from She Does the City. I relate x 100 to this and am jealous of how she knows how to put things.

3)Avenging Sybil
This is the YA lit blog of my longest Diaryland friend, Dawn. This tells me what I will want to read. I want to do something similar about the industry of acting in Toronto (specifically for film and TV) and the state of television in this country. And related business, of course.

4)Nunc Scio
I found this and it's written by a guy in my improv class. Let it be known across the world that upon meeting anyone I generally try and find out as much as I can about them on the internet. Which is usually way too much and then I feel weird. I like knowing more about people than they know about me. Which never works out because I post every secret I've ever had all over the internet in every place I can find.
Anyhow. This blog is entertaining and it's now the only place I'm going to find my news.

5)raymitheminx.com
Parts of this are amazing. Even the stuff I'm not too fond of makes me think.

6) That's Wizard
This is Miranda's BF's new mp3 blog that I'm expecting great things from. And that I've already gotten great music from.

7)saidthegramophone.com
I already said about this one, but I'm enjoying it more and more.

.

ANYHOW

I've started a new blog.

OH-MISTLETOE.BLOGSPOT.COM

The new fantastic blog will be for:

proper writings
photos
reviews of things
acting/the film industry in Toronto
Canadian television
poetry
lists
shows/music

This old fantastic blog will still be kept up but most likely in a minimalist way.
I seriously keep this mostly to keep records for myself. So I'm going to continue to do so and talk about people and what I did and what I ate for dinner. But if you don't want to read it anymore (I always assume no one does anyhow), that would be just fine.

.

On that note:

Sat the kids more today and yesterday. It's amazing how kids make neighbourhoods real home. Only two weeks into looking after these little ones and now I am knowing neighbours, recognizing kids from swimming or the indoor playground, saying hi to people at the grocery store.
So strange and quite lovely.

Baby-sitting is supposed to be like birth control for me. Mentally, I mean, I was doing it so that I would get my fill of kids and not want any of mine own.
It's not working.
But I guess now it becomes even more important that I plan and orchestrate my life to be able to be a mother.
In the sooner rather than later future.
By which I mean at least a couple of years.

Saw SarahB and Ellen and friend last night. I want SarahB to be living in this city still so that she can Party All the Time with me. And I want Ellen to be around more often. She's coming back through soon on her way around the continent promoting/planning the We Are Many Festival.

I'm eating healthily again. For once? I'm buying fruits and vegetables and drinking water.
I need to keep at it. I'm ridiculous.

I sure didn't come home and write instead of drinking the other night. I went to Steph's with SarahJ and Solo, instead. Win some, lose some.

Had coffee with Miranda for about two hours yesterday. I feel like the first hour or so of any interaction is surface and it's only after getting really really settled does one start to talk about anything important or new.

I've been on the internet for about 9 hours and I kind of want to die. Except not because I want to play Oregon Trail on Facebook for ever and ever. And get my new blog started.

Was House a new one this week?
And was Medium?

there's no way to prepare for improvisation

Sometimes the way people put things just makes the day get a whole lot better. That's the only reason I write, maybe. Is to effect people. (I don't mean on here - I mean when I write creatively.)
Stephanie sent me the link to her brother's blog, saidthegramophone.com. It's very nice. So well put together. Makes me a bit jealous that my blog is always such a personalized mess - but then, that's what it's here for. It's part mp3 blog (I downloaded a bunch of them and it's like they made me a mix tape) and part nice writings. This, specifically, I loved (I hope he wouldn't be mad that I'm re-posting it):

file under: purchases: small
when you buy a dish rack from the dollar store, don't forget to also buy the tray that goes underneath it. that's also a dollar.

file under: growing up: firsts
if you need to know what french kissing is like, and how to do it, I would recommend thinking of the kiss as a sleep and your tongue as the dream. It's not right away, and it doesn't last the whole time.

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Took Ana to swimming lessons yesterday. All the little ones are sort of painfully adorable. I'm feeling sort of raw in unexpected ways lately and the tiny group of girls feeling helpless in the water was a bit wrenching. I wanted to be in there holding all of their hands as they had to dip their faces in.
The new baby in that household is ridiculously well-behaved. He rarely fusses and usually just laughs or watches everything intently. Ana runs at his face and almost jumps on him and he's still just so calm.

.

I'm so remarkably not into babes right now that it's sort of funny. Well, I am into babes in that I want to look at them.. and possibly interact with them (physically. obviously. uh huh.) and drunk dial them but not date them. I am not wanting to be indebted or responsible to anyone.

When I got back to Toronto last year after being in a very quick and very intense relationship, I was looking for more of the same. Basically from the minute I stepped off the plane I was wanting someone to come sleep at my house every day, to have dinner with, to run errands with, to come to shows, to tell about my day to, etc, etc. I was looking for the dailies. And I tried to get that from people who weren't interested in dailies at all. And then when I got it, it turned out that that wasn't what I was looking for.

It's my job right now to start Getting Shit Done. I know I always say that, but I'm going to have to keep on. Trying to make it come true.

Well, I had my first improv class last night. I was really, really nervous. Of course. But it ended up being really good and I ended up being really funny. It seemed short. Which means it was enjoyable.
There's only one other woman in the class, then 6 men. Nerd-boys, but in the way I like, where they talk about music and Mac computers and Star Trek and blogging.
I went out with some of the boys and my teacher, Browning, for beer afterwards. I like doing stuff like that. Any new people to try out are fun. I like being in situations I've never been in before. Ended up staying drinking with Browning and his film partner until 3. Because I party all the time.
I think I'm going to like the class. And be good at it. And it will give me the confidence I need to start doing comedy in real time.
Right.
Right.

I had dinner with Sophia last night at an Asian vegetarian restaurant. It was really good. It had pages and pages of different things I could eat. What a treat! We sort of talked more about our sketch plans. I've actually been writing stuff out. Amazing.

Went out with Miranda on Saturday with her law school friends. There were a couple of babes. And a lot of drinking. I need to be out with new people more. Because I love it. And all of my friends are coupled-off and that's annoying. It makes them less interested in Party All The Time.
My only interest.

Went drinking with SarahJ and Steph on Sunday night. Lay around the Drake on their sofas and drank wine and ate way too many desserts, then went to Dakota for more eating and drinking and ogling cute cowboys.
I always feel stronger for having spent time with those girls. I couldn't really pinpoint why, but still.

Work at ACC tonight. I wish I weren't going to get fired from there because I do really like it. Maybe I will come home and write instead of going out to drink. Or maybe I won't.

sometimes it's too much though

My hands are covered in crazy glue and gold paint. I always, always underestimate the power of crazy glue.

I stayed in last night and worked on my apartment. I cleaned up a bit (not nearly enough), put things into tins and jars and forty bottles, dusted (what? that's not part of my repertoire), re-made the bed, organized the clothing, and painted things. I always get bored of doing the dishes part way through and wander away. Good job.
I painted a tack board red, then edged it with green ribbon and patterned it with pale gold. Very pretties. And I painted a red paper light shade with pale golden snowflakes. Also pretty pretties.

I had a terrible dilemma where I needed another cover on my bed at night (this attic gets pretty cold), but I didn't want to lose the feeling of the eiderdown and I certainly didn't want to cover up the duvet cover my mother so lovingly handcrafted. So I put the other comforter inside the duvet cover as well, over top of the down. Now it's so ridiculously heavy and still beautiful. No wonder I never leave my house.

James Franco is still a total babe of life, but James Dean is not a very good movie.
I've been watching way too much TV. But I love it.
I love Grey's Anatomy still.
I'm tired of no new shows. I'm going to have to get addicted to shows I never watch just to fill the void. Then when they're all back on I'll be in trouble.

Had brunch with Miranda yesterday. First brunch in way, way too long. Oh brunch! And David was back. And Priscilla was working, which was a little strange. But we were more than polite (bordering on friendly, even?).
I had the omelette. Of course. We stayed for too long. Of course.

Then I went shopping and got a beautiful Paper Blanks day planner. So nice. Red with delicate gold trim. Everything in my life is seriously Christmas-based.
I also bought champagne. Because that's the only thing I want to drink.
And I bought hyacinths. I'm going to try and take better care of the bulbs this time and re-grow them a few times. Seems possible. In theory. Except about how I don't even see plants.

Today, I watched a lot of TV. Cleaned up a bit (got tired of the dishes again). Read some (Guy Vanderhauge is really good. hmm.)
I went out tonight with Miranda to one of her law-school get-togethers. Except it was mostly for this one guy's birthday. It was kind of fun - based on how much champagne I downed before leaving the house? Who knows? I haven't been out-on-the-town really, since being back. And every babe around was specifically built for me, as far as I could tell. I love babes. Don't know if you know that..

Earlier this week I had a meeting with Sophia about our sketch comedy and what we're doing with it... we sort of have different ideas of it.. but if we could manage to make them co-exist.. it might end very well. It might end up we have a continuously entertaining show, because each part would be different.

I'm drunk. I'd continue this entry that I started writing earlier today except for Google. Google sometimes is up to no good.

well then, make it better

I did it. I signed up for improv classes. The 300 level, they let me skip up because of studying in college with Allan. But now I'm nervous. Secretly, I'm not terribly self-confident. Not about real-time things.
But also excited. I'm pretty funny............... so................

I made lentil soup tonight. And apple crisp. And watched a lot of TV and did only a little bit of writing. But enough. Hoping to get the next issue of Et Puis? out as soon as possible.
It becomes clearer that I'm happiest when I'm producing and moving. And keeping on top of everything.

I tried watching the new CBC series The Border, but it wasn't my cup of tea. Maybe my brother would like it. I did see an old classmate for about a second on it, so that was good. It's good that some of us are working. Here and there.

I can't believe the writer's strike is still on.
This is so unbelievably Canadian television's opportunity. It's the major Canadian networks' chance to start producing our own content. They're probably realizing that - to a degree, but mostly still filling the schedule with reality junk. Reality is such a waste. A drain. I want more art on television. I want more programming that is about something.
It'll be strange not to have a pilot season in LA this year. All those actors staying home.

I wonder if Canada will ever have a strong TV industry, of our own. Not just filming US shows in Vancouver.
The biggest problem is that we keep up with shows that are crap. And even all the new pilots are crap. And good shows aren't ever given a chance. The only good Canadian TV is being produced by the cable networks like Showcase or The Movie Network, and those shows aren't out there for everyone to see. Because cable is so damned expensive.
Still, I would totally rather have my series on MN, they seem less scared of pushing stuff, of doing really big budgets, of shooting high quality.

For a country known for it's sense of humour, for it's importing of great comedians, we sure suck at sitcoms. I'm alright with Corner Gas, but beyond that?
And I see a lot of great live comedy (sketch, stand-up, improv, etc), why don't these people get more shows? Why haven't we learned to transfer it to screen?

There seems to be only two types of Canadian programming on the major networks:
a) The Canadian type of show -
where we showcase our true Canadian-ness, our true love of bad, easy jokes, and quaint lifestyles. Our politeness and how everything is "fine". Where we showcase Hockey, how small our towns are, how nice everyone is.
(ie: Little Mosque on the Prairie, Train 48 [God help us - what was that beyond-low-budget wreck?], Hatching, Matching and Dispatching)
b) The American type of show -
where we try and pretend that we are actually as exciting and sexy as the US. Where we just totally rip off their programming and just set it in Canada so we can call it our own.
(ie: Falcon Beach, and Whistler [both just exactly The O.C. in poor disguise], Instant Star, The Best Years [that was even fucking set in the US, what the hell? How is that Canadian programming?], etc)

Hmm. I didn't expect to write that entry. Interesting.

free food is not for refusin'

I'm pretty much done with being ill now. I've pretty much had enough.
I would be alright with a little less coughing in the night that keeps me up for hours and hours.

I'm unused to standing on my feet all day. I'm tired. But still feeling excited/excitable.
Starting to think in possible poems again. That's a start.
And I'm getting excited about the TV show again. Freshness and stuff. Hopefully.

Apparently they've put last year's MTV commercial on air again. Which I've never seen and barely remember doing. Now I have 4 commercials on air.
Wild.

Saw Ellen this afternoon. Hung out with her at her cousin's house with her friend Bryan who is touring for the We Are Many festival with her. Then we went for beer and actually talked. For the first time in awhile.
We tossed around the idea of writing a book together on what it's like being in love with someone with a mental illness, and getting over them, and all that comes with that. It's such a hard thing, and a rarely visited subject. There's no room in this society's set-up for the mentally ill. And little support/understanding for friends and family of the mentally ill.
As much as I'd never wish ill on Ellen, it's nice to have someone who actually knows what I mean.
Actually.

Worked with one of my favourite co-workers at ACC today. He's a crusty old postman who makes fun of me constantly and we laugh at each other's attempts at insults. And we make fun of the customers and see who can out-sarcastic the other. He's a Capricorn too. Makes so much sense.
Sundays are dumb because they're so slow, but also the quickest shifts, so it's not too bad. And I got a free milkshake so it was worthwhile. I never buy milkshakes, but free is never a bad thing. Free food is not for refusing. Unless it's made of meat or other gross things, then it's okay.

Went to see an acoustic Weather Station show tonight. It was pretty neat. The other bad was great too, a whole back up group of stompers and clappers and whistlers and singers for this one guy with a guitar. Very fun. I went because I had to hang with David again before he goes back to Halifax. But he says he's moving back. Maybe as soon as next month! David is one of my very very best BFFs. Even when he's being obnoxious.

I love Toronto.
I realized that when I got back. I love it here. So very much.

I'm steeling myself for this year's February/March (ie: the worst time of year). I'm stock-piling good feelings and making plans and committing to things to keep me going and see me through.

I'm always so starry-eyed

I'm a total dweeb for getting overly-excited about receiving a myspace-standard-sort-of email from Marshall Herskovitz (of My So-Called Life and Quarterlife). Aww, I'm such a fan of his though.
I liked this comment of his on one of the Quarterlife forums:
"Forgive me for being thrilled that you would write that you're looking to find the my so-called life kind of people. I guess that's about as good a way of describing why we built this site as anything I've heard. The irony of course being that the Angela Chase's of this world do not necessarily reveal their deepest and truest selves in public -- even in a public place like this. Still, I hope you find those people, because they're definitely on this site..."

Also, Mr. Herskovitz using the term "LOL" is terribly funny to me for some reason.

I love the interweb.

Yes. Yes Yes I am totally wasting time on Quarterlife instead of writing my own damned script. But my own damned script is a sack of poo. It stinks! Kind of like Ethan's stinky butt.
I sent my mum the most recent draft and she got back to me with feedback, the helpful kind, even and I still don't feel like working on it.
I don't know what to do about it.
I don't even remember highschool anymore. It seems made up.

I want Herskovitz and Zwick to write my show for me.

.

Worked 11 hours today. I'm not sure why I'm still awake. I'm getting my voice back. I'm hoping to not lie awake for 2 hours coughing tonight. Buckley's tastes so, so bad. I'll probably have nightmares about the taste.

Made fantastical amounts of money today.
I love the skydome but I hate the disorganization and the issues with the work. I like being a favourite and a "good worker" though. I like having jobs I look forward to.
But I still don't want to do them forever.

Put plans in motion for "getting shit done".

Got recognized from TV a whole lot more at both jobs, people who shouldn't even know who I am. It's very, very strange. I don't know how to react or be as appreciative as I am feeling.
Did I mention about the girl in Saskatoon who recognized me? It was very surreal. I felt very much like someone was putting her up to it.
"I wasn't sure if it was you but then I saw you dancing..."

Seems like it'd be scary to be uncreative. Imagine just being an actor. None of it would be up to you... waiting for the right roles and right lines. It seems strange.
I need to write, right..

I wish I could remember to be excited about this life more often.

it's nice to be back with my conditioner

I'm feeling a whole lot better today. No new symptoms, for the first time in awhile. That's hot. I almost have a bit of a voice. I may even go to work tomorrow. I really have to. No scratch.

Ventured out only once today - to the grocery store. I have no tastebuds right now so I had a hard time shopping. There wasn't much I really wanted.

I like to do a whole lot of things to "prepare" to write. This is ridiculous. Frequently I just "prepare" for so long and never actually get down to writing. I like to:
- make tea
- get a soft blanket to wrap up in
- get snacks
- eat the snacks
- think of more snacks to eat
- change my clothes
- put my hair up
- decide on music
(which usually involves downloading and searching for new things)
- go on freerice.com (2500 grains I donated today!)
- watch internet TV that possibly relates to what I may or may not write about (watched all of Quarterlife!)
- blog
- check all my internet sites over and over again

I'm single again (who's surprised???) I've realized that I may not want a relationship at all. It's surprising how little work I get done when there's someone I can distract myself with. Seems like it would be possible to achieve a balance, but I'm not sure I'm capable of it yet.

I drank a lot of champagne last month. It was my champagne birthday - so it only makes sense. Now it's all I want. And beer. I didn't drink much beer in Saskatoon. I drank a lot of hard liquor. Hard liquor is easier to sneak into bars.
I remembered to bring my flask back with me this time. And it still had liquor in it from last visit. That's how I know my brother is a square.
But I like that he's a square with a driver's license. Best birthday present he's given me was driving me around this holiday season.

I'm 24 now.
I like that number. It seems solid somehow. The beginning of a new year always seems so promising, I like that I'm also a new age in the beginning of a new year.
Our perception of time speeds up as we get older. I'm noticing that to be true, more and more. I frequently leave situations and think "oh well, I won't have deal with this for months" and then next thing I know all those months have passed...

I was nagging Constantine about doing something with his life... and realizing that I'm the same.
I have tonnes of ideas and plans... it's just the execution of it all

Talking to Miamo on MSN. She's depressed about her acting career and everything that goes along with it, the poverty in particular.
Gahhhd.
After Christmas is the hardest (and coldest) part of the year.
I will not get down (except in a really, really funky way).

clean slate in '08!

Seriously? Seriously almost a month?

whoa. I really shit the bed on this one. I'm a terrible diarist.

I wonder when (if ever) my blog skills will peter out? Is this the beginning of the end?

quarterlife.com is made just for me. Dear Marshall Herskovitz and Edward Zwick, how did you know I needed this show? How did you base all of the characters on me? Especially the one who talks way too much about her friends on her blog and tells everyone's secrets, including her own?
It's not My So-Called Life, but then, nothing is. And this is good. And it's getting me thinking about writing my (theoretical) show again.

I have the worst cold I have had in years maybe. It's super intense. Luckily I took an aeroplane back to Toronto today and that sure fucked my ears up. They don't feel as bad since I had a nap, but I was a little worried for a bit there that my hearing loss was going to last. And worried about how much it hurt.
I have several other gross, gross symptoms with this bug that I won't share. But I totally don't have a voice. At All. I was considering calling my mum then realized that was an impossibility. I danced around singing in a loud whisper for awhile, but it was really un-fulfilling.

Uh-oh. Joel's facebook status says that his sickness is an Adenovirus. Aaaand, I'm pretty sure that's what I have. Wow, I hope no one gets this. It looks nasty nasty. Fuck, now I'm nervous of what's to come. That would explain my stomach flu on boxing day. And why my ears and eyes are the grossest ever.
Aw fuck. I don't want to be holed up in my house for days.
No, actually, that's alright. I haven't written in much, much too long, so I'll do that. And watch Quarterlife.

I'm bundled up in front of this machine in my new down duvet (courtesy of my best cousin and her kin) which is covered in the new duvet cover that I designed and my mother executed more beautifully than I'd thought possible. It's so gorgeous. My bed is so ridiculous. David came over this afternoon and bundled himself up in it. It's irresistible. Dark red sateen sheets and all kinds of beautiful Christmas fabrics patchworked on the duvet cover. But it's beautiful, you might not even notice that it was Christmas at first.... unless you know me, in which case you'd just totally expect it.

There's no food in the house. Only what I brought back with me. I realized when I got home this afternoon at 2 that I hadn't eaten since 8 the night before. So I feasted on mini bags of doritos and on Christmas chocolate and the nuts that my aunt gave me for baking supplies.
After my nap I made (fake) chicken noodle soup, which was about my only choice.
I think the eggs are still good - so I have breakfast for tomorrow!

Christmas is actually over. It's done. And I'm done with winter. As I always say; winter, after Christmas, is no winter at all.

I made such a good haul this year. I was thinking that as I unpacked today. Decorated my apartment with all my new things and drank tea out of my new mug...
I love things.
I'm such a stuff kind of person.
I'm hoping I get better and better at taking care of my stuff and at valuing it.

I don't live in Saskatoon. This has never been clearer. It was hard this year that some friends weren't at home. And even the ones that were there have such specific lives that really don't involve me at all.
Fraser got really, really drunk at Bandswap and said "Meredith, we lead very different lives!" and when I agreed wholeheartedly he said "But does that mean we can never be friends?"
It kind of broke my heart. He told me that he's somewhat jealous of me having moved away.. and I'm more than jealous of him having stayed there (even though it's not for me). I know that drunk people are drunk people, but I believed him when he said he loves me, because even though we're not bffs anymore, I love him ridiculous amounts.

It was wonderful to see the people I did though.

My fam was wonderful. Every time I looked at Ethan and Rachel I almost cried. They are so not the babies I first left them as. They are huge. They are real people. And, even better, they are real people who I like. I like them both so much. Even when they hit me. Or kick me in the crotch. I wish I had spent even more time with them.
Their new baby sister was more than cute. Obviously. We don't make them any other way in this fam. No way.



I re-bonded with Carlan and Maggi this trip, which was an unexpected bonus. Especially with Maggi. I read her diary these days but that's about as far as it goes. But we got to go scope for husbands and drink (a lot) and even have a bathtub talk together.
I didn't realize how much I missed Carlan until I saw her. She's such a babe, and has such a great way of speaking and relating.
I got to hang out with Steph a lot too. We made sweet gingerbread cookies and decorated them (really, really badly, some) and had a great dinner last night.

It was good to see Charlotte too. She's neat. It's funny the awkwardness when I first see people again after a long time.. I'm so weird. Charlotte and I were the designated dancers/ raffle girls for Bandswap, which Alisin organized this year. It was pretty great. We wore superhero outfits with our gitch over top our tights and sweet silver capes that I made. Such total babes, like I can even explain.

Hillary and I had our traditional Valentines date at Chiantis and ordered the same thing (romantic!). And she and Gill came for lunch with me and Ashley on my birthday. Hillary gave the sweetest origami hearts card set and Christmas card making set... everyone is getting Christmas cards all year round.
Ashley got engaged! Holy fuck. Not that I didn't see it coming. According to facebook most girls I went to elementary with are having kids or are married. Weird!

I'm getting old.

Hung out with Constantine when I first got into town. He's such a doll. We had our grilled cheese platters and both totally cleaned our plates and ate all our ice cream treats!
No one is as rewarding to call when I get to town as him. He generally says "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ARE YOU IN TOWN? WHEN ARE WE GETTING G.C.P.S?" It's really nice.
His new roommate Roger is a doll as well. We all hung out last night. Went to two different bars with them and Constantine knocked the plate out of our server's hand while doing an impression of Roger doing an impression of him. Very silly. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to watch them make grilled cheese and bother Roger while he was trying to read and then watch Deathproof instead of going home to get some sleep before my 7 am flight. I'm ridiculous. And easily swayed.
So easily swayed.

I love Christmas. Not working over Christmas was such a good choice. I was so much less stressed than I normally am. And since I love Christmas ever so much, it doesn't seem fair that I wouldn't get to enjoy it. I think this was the first year in awhile where I didn't have a meltdown. We also didn't have a turkey, which I was pretty grateful for. We had pot pies and stuffing and salad and ginger cheesecake. It was all too good. Too, too good.

My birthday was awesome as well, actually except being sick all holidays, this year was pretty exceptional.

Hmmm. I wonder if anyone'll make it through this entry. I need to go to sleep.

A tiny baby slept on my chest for hours the other night and I couldn't do anything but sit there and hold him.

I felt better about the world than I had in a long time.

sleigh bells are ringing

I don't have time for you, diary!

I'm sick today. And it's ice-raining outside. And it's slippery. Don't wear your cowboy boots out there, you'll fall for sure.

So, so much to get done and I can't move. But I also don't feel like sitting still. Maybe sleeping more, but I can't justify that.

Things to get done:

- bake for the party tomorrow
- get decorations for party
- buy Christmas gifts for fam
- buy Christmas gifts for friends
- buy ribbons and trimmings and things
- wrap gifts
- make cards
- get photos printed for cards
- deal with my emotional disfunctions
- get my coat-check cheque
- make money to pay for all these things I need to buy
- make the crafts I'm still planning on even though I obviously have no time
- play my scrabulous moves. Though I'm really not feeling it

I go home so soon, hey? Like so soon.
Next Monday.

Too much has gone one while I've not been updating. I couldn't even tell you.

I :

-lost and found my cellphone. I still don't know where it was found because I wasn't the one who retrieved it. Was pretty glad to get it back though

- worked a lot. A lot. But still I don't have any money. I'm still enjoying ACC because it's such a sweet job and I'm still totally going to get fired because I forget to do things like hand in my availability and stuff. I also did some coat-checking for Sam (boss at Big Chill) and it was alright, but still annoying.

- baby-sat a little. Ana continues to be remarkably cute and pretty charming and the baby, T-Rex, is ridiculous and smiles and stuff. I'm baby-sitting tonight too but only later at night.

- partied. Got pretty pretty drunk the other night with The Girls (Sarah, Steph, Solo, Julia) on mimosas and we ate a whole goddamn lot of truffle. So delicious. We lay around at Steph's house drinking and giving each other massages. This is what boys think that girls do on girls' nights but rarely actually happens. All those girls are so hot though, seriously.
I drunkenly called a bunch of people and left voice-mails that I have no recollection of. Embarrassing.

- Ate brunch a lot. So Much. I should have stock in Aunties. I love it there. Went there today with Ali and Note-Boat and we were joined by one of David's friends (who turned out to be meeting Hayden and co. but still sat with us, even though I told him I would choose Hayden Any Day. I love Hayden and I get the shakes when he's around. But you know that already). I love swiss cheese in the omelette.

- Ate a lot of poutine. Holy bejeezus, it's so good. I get veggie souvlaki and poutine with veggie gravy at Utopia. And I get full. And I get fat. And happy.

- Re-bonded with Sophia. We've been getting along fantastically these days. I'm enjoying her so much. We are good at doing things and planning things. One night we made Christmas cards for about 5 hours. And drank Christmas tea and watched a terrible Christmas movie (Santa Baby starring Jenny McCarthy. Don't watch it. Ever.)

-Continued bonding with Miranda. I'm always surprised at how funny I find her, and I really shouldn't be. We went to see Lars and the Real Girl and we loved it. I loved it so much. It made me feel so good inside.

- am now appearing in three commercials that are currently on-air. I have never been more famous and never felt more like a real actor. I wish I had the money to back up that feeling.

- now have my very own IMDB page!!!!! I am very excited about this and have been wanting one for oh-so long!


Plans I have:

- Christmas Birthday Party tomorrow night, which starts out with the Fancy Ladies' Dinner Party and is followed up by a boy-girl mixeroo. Having it over at Sophia's and we're getting together tomorrow to make a bunch of food and stuff. I think it'll be nice. I hope people actually come and party down.

- Stacy-Ann's Girls Christmas party on Friday. I'm pretty excited about this, I love girls-only stuff and I love dressing fancy and in red and exchanging gifts.

- The Adams and I are having a Christmas get together next Sunday where we bake together and watch Elf and Home Alone. This is the best idea. I'm very, very excited.

- Going home next Monday (LESS THAN A WEEK OMG OMG OMG) and then doing a whole lot of nothing. So much nothing is going to happen. Only:
----- baking
----- crafts
----- gift giving
----- value village shopping
----- tea drinking
----- Christmas movie watching
----- Baby-holding
----- Family bonding
Oh yeah yeah huh

- Birthday!

- Christmas!

I'm been sort of really quite down/moody/irritable-beyond-words these days and I'm trying to figure out what it is and what to do about it... so far... little progress. But I'll keep at it.

Okay. Time to get at 'er.

But I so don't want to.

I am not always mean you know

Three days in a row! I'm avoiding doing actual writing! For sure!

I wonder if it were that I was as good of a poet as Bob Hicok, if then I would be completely content. Because, good god damn, is he ever good. And I feel as though my life would be complete if I could make words fulfill me in the ways that his do.

I am writing today. A bit. And editing. Which is just as important. There's some nice pieces for the next Et Puis? magazine. I hope.

I was in a much better mood yesterday. Which was great for all parties involved. I did a whole great lot of nothing all day. Well, played Scrabulous.

Work was good. Smooth and not stressful. Took my break with Note-boat and gave him a note. A note-bird this time, because when I am not being a tremendous bitch, I can be sort of sweet. Not usually though.
Luckily. Barf.

Went out for beer with Miranda afterwards. We were in particularly good moods and being giggly. I think I was hopped up on caffeine. We laughed for about 15 minutes straight over how I have to attend the ACC staff skating party with N-B. It wasn't even funny. It just was. Well. Staff skating parties are pretty dorky.
Miranda and I might go skiing. I haven't been skiing since elementary school. I can only assume that I will be very, very good at it.
I probably shouldn't have gone drinking since that interfered with my getting any work done. But you know I will always choose party above all.

I have a new niece! (or cousin, for those of you who value accuracy over emotion). I want to see her and squeeze her. But I'm sure she'll be even more exciting by the time I get home. Right?

Had brunch with Sophia at Aunties today. Waffles! Sophia and I were also overly-giggly. We need to get our sketches together. We have some pretty good ideas. And I'm pretty excited for playing my brother. I think it'll look good on me. And he's such rich material for sketches. I mean, he goes to Mennonite house-church! And he only likes guns and video games!
Frequently I wonder where he even came from.
That's what you get with donor sperm, I guess.

less than a month 'til, well, you know

I only have half of a toenail. On my big toe. It's so sweet. And it doesn't hurt at all. It's pretty sick. I want to gross people out with it.

I did indeed make dinner. I made stew and biscuits and then apple crisp.
And Note-boat came over and we ate and I acted like a bitch. And no one was surprised. Wow, it's really such a shame that I have no idea how to relate to people or act like a human. I need to work on that.

I've started say 'scrabulous' unstead of 'fabulous'. That's just how addicted to scrabulous, via Facebook, I am.
N-B doesn't like it when I play scrabulous while he's over. He thinks that's rude.

I was in a bad mood yesterday. I've been in a bad mood a lot lately. I did go Christmas shopping though. But it was raining and I was very cold and damp.
And everything seems so much further when I can't ride my bike. I wish my bike had fenders. Those would sure be handy. I also wish my bike had a basket. Fuck yeah. That's what I want for Christmas. A bike basket.

King's College Choir is very good at singing Christmas carols.

I only want to listen to Christmas carols. And Clipse.
I love my iPod.

I'm getting excited for holiday parties. I really really really need to have one here before I go home. So badly. But I don't know where to have it or how to format it. I want there to be lots of people. But I want it to be small. And I want there to be eating and drinking. And lots of paying attention to me. Because it will also be my birthday party.

Oh birthday!

I think this is the year that I'm going to try and get people exactly what they ask for for Christmas. Unless, of course, I come up with something much better. Or unless it's for my brother, because Emry's lists tend towards the wildly optimistic and I'm always just going to get him clothes or something else equally annoying.

I think after work tonight I'm going to try and do some writing. Real-time writing. And organizing. I'd sort of forgotten my idea of putting together a collection of the best from my magazines. That'd be a good idea. Something a little less personal maybe. Maybe. But knowing me...

iPod! iPod!

I have a new babe in my life. An iPod babe. He's pretty dreamy. The best part about him is how his back is like a mirror.
Well, maybe the best part about him is the music. Maybe.
I've never even owned a discman, let alone any sort of mp3 player. I still have a couple of walkmans though. So my tapes are still valid possessions. No reason to throw them out.

Can't believe it's been so long since I've updated. I've been busy? Not really. It's just that there's always a babe over here distracting me.
No, I've been busy too. I'm glad to have today off to compute and stuff. I'm feeling like maybe making dinner for my date and I. We'll see if that happens. I wouldn't count on it.

Especially after the madness which was the Grey Cup. Yeah, I guess I'm glad Saskatchewan won. I mean, that's good. I got a couple of necklaces. But, jesus, any large crowd is too annoying. Especially when I'm trying to unlock my bike in the middle of a giant rally (WE WON THE CUP WE WON THE CUP WE WON THE CUP, etc). Especially when they've knocked my bike the ground and are standing on parts of it. But my faith in Saskatchewanians was restored when a group of them all rallied around me to help me and my bike out of the melee.
Working the damn game was also a little over-the-top stressful. Especially since I had to work in the VIP bar, which means no money. But they wanted their best workers so me and Stacy brought it. And we pulled it off pretty beautifully, I'd say. I was even in an alright mood by the end. Our boss told us that he's going to try and get us some extra moneys for it. Those fucking cart girls though, they're the ones who did the best. Luckies.

OMG I want everyone to play their moves on Scrabulous so that I can play mine!

I'm starting to work coat-check at the fancy hotels downtown. Sam, my Big Chill boss, runs them. It's good in that I can say yes or no to shifts. But good god damn did I forget how much I really hate doing coat-check. It's so ridiculous. Mostly the length of the shifts. It's ridiculous. And the woman who manages them is already pulling the same kind of guilt-trip manipulation stuff that Sam pulls. Don't get me wrong, I love Sam. I really enjoy Sam now that I don't feel responsible to him and now that I'm good at avoiding his manipulation. But I hate when people pull that with me. The woman told me it'd be a four-hour training shift and then just didn't let me go home. So about six hours in I told her that I'd have to leave. She was expecting me to stay until 2:30 in the morning. That would've been a ten hour shift. Too much. Also there seemed to be a distinct lack of breaks there. And I hadn't prepared for that sort of shift and was overly-starved by the time I made it out of there.

Also, I hate working in fancy places. I'd rather attend fancy places and be fancy myself. I don't like service. This surprises no one.
I worked some sort of Scottish ball and I really really wanted to be going to it. I'm Scottish! There were lovely lovely kilts and giant shiny dresses.
Lately I've been longing for culture and heritage.
I should go eat some toffee or something.

I went for dinner at Note-Boat's mother's house on Friday. With his brother + girlfriend. It was pretty intense. I was just feeling fragile and not up to interacting properly I think. Who knows if they liked me? I guess it doesn't really matter. N-B made such a good dinner though. Eggplant parmesan and mushroom risotto and other good stuff. I love food.
It's hard entering into a situation where everyone is Best Friends and I am the outsider. I've never been good at meeting people or at being in situations where I feel uncertain.
I should grow up.

N-B met all my friends too last week. He came with me to SarahB's CD release and there were lots of peeps there. And he came and met me at the wrap party for Tearwater Tea. Yeah. We've been hanging out too much. As you can well imagine. And things are never as smooth with me as you'd want them to be, but I'm getting better.
Maybe.

I baby-sat Ana for the first time in awhile on Friday. Her aunt was having a baby so I picked Ana up from school and we played for a bit and then I took her down to the hospital to meet them. There's something about labour and new babies and tired mothers that makes me want to weep. Any sort of intense vulnerability gets to me. And any sort of mothering makes me tear up.

SarahJane came back from Mexico and brought me a talisman against broken hearts. She said she bought it from the oldest ugliest woman she could find, so it must be real.

There are lots of things that I'm missing writing about on here. But I do not feel like writing. I have a sneaking feeling that I might be really depressed these days, I just can't admit to it. Since, because I'm happy with N-B then what would I have to be sad about?

At least Christmas is coming coming coming coming coming so soon. And I've booked my flights home and I'm so excited to see my mum! And I think I'm going to go shopping today. Because I need to get it all done and at this rate no one's getting anything... And that would be terrible.

still don't feel guilty for not doing anything

I'm tired. Still. Always.

I'd like to get my hands on some probiotics. Apparently the ones in yogurt really aren't enough to make a difference (probably make the yogurt itself digestible, but not much else). But I hear they're expensive, especially the good ones with tonnes of different strains. Might be worth it if my belly hurt less. It's been alright for the past couple of days and it's amazing. It's fantastic what being pain-free is like.

Being home alone is fantastic. Doing nothing and doing some hard-core catching up with my comp is awesome.
And eating my own food and watching my own TV is nice.

My date was real nice last night. There's really nothing that I want for when I'm spending time with him. And it's so easy (and by 'it's' I mean 'I'm'). We went for Ethiopian food at a place down the street. It was really great, I'd never eaten Ethiopian before. But I love lentils and ginger and weird fermented bread-type stuff, and I especially like eating with my hands, so it was good for me. I bet Niki would love it.
Then we watched Heroes, which I don't know about because I want clear definitions of who's bad and good. But I'm still into it.

Yesterday I went to yoga. FUCK I really hate exercise. I mean, I think I was just dealing with way too much residual stress and was way too tired. But I couldn't stop shaking and almost crying and wanting to leave. But I made it through. And it was okay. There was way too much repetition in that specific class though. If I have to do another downward dog, I'll barf.
I should go to aquafit, it's way less emotional and way more about dancing.
Note-Boat is overly into ice-skating, so apparently I'll be taking that up as well. I haven't been skating in years, but I like hot chocolate (and CHRISTMAS), so I feel like it's up my alley.

I returned my library things and responded to emails that I'd been irresponsible with. Today I am applying for jobs that I don't really have time for and writing bad poetry.

Adam called me yesterday just to tell me he misses me. Aww. I hope every director loves me that much. We're planning a Christmas party involving watching Elf and Home Alone and baking. Hells yeah!
He's promised cookies so thick with ginger and molasses that when you dip them in tea the molasses almost runs out.
I'm thinking of Christmas-shaped shortbread and of nutmeg sugar cookies. And fudge. I'm thinking of sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar. Yes. Please.

this entry is too long!

I am terrible at being busy. I have no concept of time management and I get selfish and I forget things and sabotage myself by not paying attention to what I need to get done. I feel like I've been away for days.
I have too many library items that are fantastically over-due.
I have not responded to offers of work which I so desperately need.
I failed to submit my work availability on time and if I do that once more then I could be fired. Which would be awesome because I rely completely on that unreliable source of income.
I have not paid bills I could pay solely because it takes too much effort.
I have not prepared for Christmas. No sir.

Okay. So I those things to do today. That's alright.
I have a Big Date tonight. I know it's a Big Date because we are going to dinner. And we planned it in advance (last night). I am thinking of dressing up for this event. Because that's how I roll.

Today's the day where Third finally gets a new nickname here. But since he only refers to me as 'Cheese Bro' (which is not romantic at all, nor even particularly charming, but it definitely amuses him), it doesn't make sense for it to be wonderful. So he can just be Note-Boat, because, well, that's easy andappropriate. And I like it.

I've been shooting for the past five days. We're finally all wrapped on 'Tearwater Tea' (which will be called something else at some point, but we're not sure what. I'm pushing 'Broken-Head Margaret', but we'll see).
It was really quite hard. Much harder than I'd expected. But Adam was great - so fun and never got anywhere near upset with me when I was having problems with handling it all. And all the crew were great. I genuinely liked nearly every one. Which is rare for me. I managed to spend 12 hour days with them and not want to punch anyone. Miracle!

The running and crying scene was difficult. Mostly difficult was hitting my marks. Continuity. When I'm pushing 'raw' emotion then trying to do the scene again hitting all the same marks and making the same faces... it's ridiculous.
Continuity is the biggest bitch of film acting.
Tamara and I were talking last night about how everything about film acting works directly contrary to acting in general. How little acting is involved and how technical everything gets.

The character was pretty opposite of me, what with a complete lack of emotion and an all-round emptiness. I got to smile exactly NO times in the scenes. I had to make up for it by being a moron around set and causing little ruckuses.

I still tried to socialize while shooting more than 12-hour days. I saw Note-Boat on Thursday but in a low-key way because I was exhausted. And I went and hung out with Steph and Solo on Friday night. I drank a glass of wine and a bottle of beer (really good beer that I can't remember the name of but it was aged in whiskey casks and was sort of sweet and delicious) and was much drunker than I should have been. Exhaustion + not drinking for a few days = I'm back to being more than lightweight.
We stopped by Julia's birthday party but I just wasn't in the mood for staying and didn't feel like meeting any more new people. So I got to bed at a reasonable time.

Saturday Note-Boat came over and we were supposed to go out but I was having a slight break-down from how stressed out I was (and hadn't noticed, which is how I handle stress, just ignoring it). But he was pretty amazing with dealing with me. Kind and stuff, but not coddling (which I'm always trying to solicit from people...). And even joked me out of it and managed to get me out of the house. Which was quite a feat because once I'm off, I'm usually pretty off for a bit.
But we went to see his friend play and I even managed to be charming and congenial. Helped, of course, by how I actually liked his friend a lot, and how he seemed genuinely pleased to meet me.
His friend new virtually everything about me. That's good because now there's pretty much nothing I could do to Note-Boat that is creepy. Even writing on my blog about him.

Yesterday I only had a couple of scenes to do. But after I was done I went with Sophia to return set stuff to Ikea and Home Depot and stuff. We spent a good couple of hours driving around. We wandered through the massive amounts of Christmas at Ikea and ate frozen yogurt ($1? seriously? If I worked there I'd be the fattest/happiest ever). We slowed down to admire the houses with over-done lights and sang our favourite pop Christmas carols.
Then I hung around set (Sophia's house for that day) and ate and visited with Marika.
I went home for about an hour then went and met Tamara to see some sketch comedy.
We went to see her friends The Dance Party of Newfoundland. They were really pretty amazing. I tried to find a video of the sketch I liked most, but failed. They do have some pretty sweet videos up on their myspace page. Apparently they've won best in this sketch fest. Which makes sense because they were really spot on. Characters I liked and wanted to see more of, jokes that would never have occurred to me, originality. Tam and I spent time hanging with one them, and he was very funny and I was too tired to not make bad jokes. But I'm still funny though. Seriously. seriously.
I need to see more sketch. And I need to actually start my stupid sketch troupe with Sophia and Aaron and Beau. For realz. And I badly want it to be called either "The Baby-Sitting Club" or "I forget".

My stomach has been upset for the past five days. It makes me want to die. I'm considering cutting down on the dairy. And wheat, maybe. I don't know what else to do. Except that limits what I can eat to virtually nothing. Especially since my sugar addiction is extreme and I'd like to cut that back.
I should try digestive enzymes maybe. And eating less. Yeah. I'm queen of eating until I feel ill and then still eating more. And then as soon as there's any room, eating more.
Set is awful though, there's so much food and so much eating. I'm going to have to learn to control myself. Something I have never, ever been good at. About anything.

I'm debating whether to do something productive with my afternoon or whether to lie around and dream of Christmas...

that's the way the pork

I hate running. I don't know if I've ever mentioned how much I 100% hate running. It annoys me and feels pointless. So you know how excited I am to be jogging in the rain for four hours tomorrow morning. But at least I get to film. Film for four days straight. I am getting a little nervous and little excited. I love sets. As much as I hate running, I love filming more.
We meant to do much more rehearsing for this than actually happened. I'm a little nervous because of this. But still. I'm excited for crew and set and props and things. Mmmmhmmmm

I emailed my agent to tell him about the shoot and he called me this morning just to check in and make sure it was all good and find out more about it. I really, really like my agent. Even when he's not making money off me, he's still looking out for me.
I wish I wasn't half asleep when he called. I don't really remember what we were saying.
I went back to sleep and had a dream that I was on Ellen. Except I didn't remember shooting it, I just happened upon it on TV. I was really excited. It's my goal to be on the Ellen show. Obviously.

My phone is such a piece of shit. Which is silly because I was getting kind of into it. It is really tiny and sort of addicting to touch. But it has started this annoying habit of beeping loudly while I'm talking to important people and cutting them off and pretending its about to die even though it should be perfectly charged up. And then when I plug it in, after about ten minutes, it says (all self-satisfactorily) Charging Completed!.
What a bitch.

Been hanging out with Miranda a lot lately. She's probably going to flunk out of law school because she likes to go shopping with me and eat brunch instead of doing her homework. We went shopping on Friday, out on Friday night, and out for brunch (at Victory - so good - still no Aunties, but since it didn't have a line-up on the weekend and the baby spinach and goat-cheese omelette was sooo good...) on Saturday.

I got schmammered (as Stephanie would say) on Friday. Drinking at Miranda's house with her buds, then meeting up with Sarah and Dana at Beaconsfield and doing shots with my Sask-a-bud Shayne and then meeting up with Stephanie and Geoffrey and co. at Dakota. Holy b-jesus. A whole lot of running around.
Dana and I still have not made up or discussed how she was in a fight with me. I felt a little strange about that.

Saturday working was really fun. Unfortunately I have been less than discreet about my crush on Third there, and now he's followed suit with his interest in me. This leads to everyone knowing. But so I enlisted Ali's help (she was working a few stands down from me) to make lists about what Third and I could do on our date.
UGH. I totally can't find those lists and I really want to scan them into the comp and post them. They're too good.
Anyway, we got really hyper and ran around the ACC and went and found Third and read him the lists. Which was probably the highlight of the night. Ali and I both put "Get matching tattoos" on the lists. She also put
-"go ice-skating at Nathan Phillips Square" (yeah, there's definitely no ice there)
-"go to the woods, cut down a tree, bring it home and decorate it while enjoying hot cocoa together"
-"enter a couples' fishing derby, come in last on purpose"
My list was much too long.
We, of course, ended up doing absolutely nothing on the lists. We ended up just having a beer at Magpie and then hanging out here.
Ali and I are really really funny together. Sometimes I forget that.

On my way to work on Sunday I totally got doored (by which I mean a stupid motorist opened their stupid door while I was biking by them). But it was a slow-mo dooring. And I was alright. But still a little bit shaken.

Stephanie and I went to see Fred Claus yesterday afternoon. It was pretty good. Well, it was alright. Yeah. It did have an awful lot about Christmas in it, so you know I liked it. I totally go The Golden Compass snack combo and now I have a Golden Compass bucket. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it.
And we had dinner. We had dinner Sunday night too, actually. This is a bad habit. I need to learn to not socialize every minute.

Hung out with Third again last night. Incubate and bond, etc. But I don't even care. Because I do not make negative statements. Or at least I try not to...

6:30 a.m. call tomorrow. Work tonight. I've been feeling ill for the past three days (because that's what my body is about!). I wonder if I'm going to be prepared enough for tomorrow...

I am a good person, I have good patterns and habits

you: Hey Meredith, how was your date the other night?
me: Funny thing that since I can't talk about it since some people read other people's diaries. Even the bad parts where soul patches are heavily mocked... It's funny how he knows bits of my jargon because of this.
I did run into JessicaUpton during it though. Who is now only referred to as "Jesse", apparently. I really like her, I think she's funny. Third made the mistake of asking her opinion of his soul patch and she leaned in and said "That. That is heinous." Wow. I really found that amazing. Also, rude, of course. But things that are rude can be excused by how hilarious they are.

I'm cleaning today. I took the day off yesterday (well, I did the dishes, so not quite), but now I need to get back at 'er. And it's still dirty here. And messy. And things aren't exactly how I'd like them to be. But it's looking better. I'm especially pleased with my tiny Christmas display (gifts by the teeny tiny tree) and my packed book-shelves.

Whatever I'm most involved with thinking about is what I feel like I desperately need to be doing. For instance, I was just watching stand-up on TV and now I am convinced that it's my calling in life. No but really. Why am I the funniest person ever and yet I have no idea how to use it?
I think I'd be best at story-telling stand-up. Or maybe one-liners like Mitch Hedberg. Who is still my favourite.
I need to develop a stand-up character, those comics are always my favourites, the ones with ridiculously distinct styles.
Hmmmmmmm.

Frequently when I get drunk (every day) I tell people about how I want to do a little boy voice-over for a series some day. It's a weird thing to bring up constantly.

Worked last night and made good money and it was busy but smooth and I was in a good mood. And I was making fun of people a lot. Which is probably my favourite thing (and why I want to have a talk show). I really like some of my co-workers.

I tried to take the streetcar there because it was cold and windy and raining but the streetcar didn't come and didn't come and so I finally went back home and got my bike (because biking is at least twice as fast) and when I got all suited up and on my bike I discovered that the chain was off. So I tipped the bike upside down in the rain and wrangled the damn thing back onto its track. Then biked in the cold and saw a biker get hit by a car (and really regretted my lack of helmet. I mean. Dammit. I always wear my helmet Mum), but she was okay and everyone was stopping to help her so I didn't. And by the time I got to work I was soaked right through. But still in a fine temper.

Went for beer with Sophia and Marika afterwards. We tried lots of different kinds at Magpie. I thought I didn't like Magpie, but in fact, I do. Alex and Paul and co were there and we joined them for smoke breaks but sat at opposite ends of the place. I like little interactions like that. We drank quite quickly and I became drunk (oh who's ever surprised at that anymore). I fell off my bike while trying to get onto it. Classy. And ridiculous. Luckily I lived quite close.

Wow Monster is so my favourite R.E.M. album. I like it even better than Automatic for the People. Or Up. As a whole. It has a tone to it that's familiar and addicting. I love Bang and Blame especially. And Strange Currencies. I know that Strange Currencies is similar to Everybody Hurts, but I find it less obvious, more comforting somehow.
Star 69 is pretty out-dated now. And still awesome. And Crush with Eyeliner is excellent. Especially since I assume that the crush would be a dude-babe.

SPEAKING OF WHICH. I'm tired of people assuming that babes are women. Anyone can be a babe. Even dudes. It's actual odd how little I use the words 'guy' 'boy' 'man', etc because of the overuse of the term 'babe'. Thank you Charlotte for bringing that into my life.

I do not have things ready for Christmas. Ugh. Not even close. I got all into it for a bit there but I seem to have fallen off the wagon. I got a remarkably big paycheque today that I'm sure I didn't earn, but whatevers, still going to buy too many gifts gifts gifts gifts.
Sigh.

I LOVE PARIS HILTON AND NICOLE RICHIE.
There I said it.
It's out there.

It's Niki's birthday today. We had breakfast at Aunties. For once in my life I did not have the omelette. I didn't even have waffles. I strayed far. Far, right over to the Pan Bagnat. With Swiss. It was pretty nice. Too oily though, but I knew that'd be the case. It was really quite a nice breakfast, we made several hilarious jokes and came up with even more awkward things to say during sex. What fertile ground for jokes.
I like saying fertile to rhyme with turtle.

Planning on making cookies. Maybe visiting with Miranda. Maybe combining the two. The girl who's doing wardrobe for Tearwater Tea is going to come over today to go through my wardrobe for filming. I've never met her before. Interesting to have strangers go through my stuff. I don't mind. I'm not if not honest.

Stopping with negative statements is such a tricky business. It's hard. Even that is a negative statement. There's a lot of negatives in the way I interact. It comes with being cynical and sarcastic (which are traits I've groomed in myself and which have been instilled by my dear fam).
Tricky tricky tricky

I am pack-rat, I probably deserve mice

I hate cleaning. I hate hate hate hate hate hate cleaning. I keep just lying down instead of cleaning.
I'm at the stage (and have been for a full day) where everything is out and I am cleaning things that I have never, ever cleaned before. I guess after 3.5 years, it's about time.
I'm completely taking everything apart and re-organizing and beautifying. I think my shelves are going to become my new headboard. And we alllll know what a good builder I am. I'm thinking about tying them together with wire. I can't think of a better idea, so...

Rehearsal with Adam last night. First time meeting the woman who will play my aunt. She seems nice enough, and she's much better than any of the women I saw at auditions. It's hard to find a non-union actor 40+ who will work for free and is any good.
Adam's grandma had sent him a care-package and I ate way too many dainties. Did you know that 'dainties' is a prairie word? And British, I think.
I like Adam. I stayed around watching The Rick Mercer Report afterwards. They visited the U of S and I felt homesick. Sighhhhh.

Lately I've been reading a novel at night after I'm done watching all my shows (and when I'm sober enough to make out the words). I was feeling pretty great about it, but I realized they're mostly all teen fiction. I started reading an actual adult novel last night and I totally didn't finish it. Maybe tonight.
I always feel a lot better when I'm reading a lot.

Dammit. I went through the internet trying to make this diary not come up immediately on searching for me. But it's still there. Even though those words aren't in those entries anymore, they're still there.
Hmmmmm.
So we'll be hearing much less about everything. Mmmhmmm.

And since even I forgot I had a locked blog, I can't see myself going back to it anytime soon. Although I'm a big fan of the locked bits.

Brunch with Sophia! Then back to cleaning. It's my goal to have in decent shape by the time I go out tonight. Possible? I don't even know, it's such a disaster.
Possible!